Charmed
The Witch Is Back

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"What's a zoo?"

Buckland's. Andy interviews wimpy Rex and saucy Hannah in Prue's office as a crime scene tech snaps photos of the busted window frame. Hannah's disarmingly vulnerable and fluttery throughout, which I choose to attribute to her skillfully willful deceit, combined with the overwhelming and raging horniness that swept over her as a result of Andy's presence. Yowza. Hannah and the Wimp have nothing new to add, and Darryl dismisses them with his thanks. Darryl then eases over to Andy and diplomatically suggests that Andy recuse himself from the case due to Prue's apparent involvement. Andy huffily insists that he will not allow his ruined relationship to cloud his judgment, and snits on out of the office. Darryl sighs and rolls his eyes.

Lair Of The Wimp. The gentleman of the lair canoodles with Hannah about the "legend of the locket" and how they're going to find "a seventeenth-century warlock running around" San Francisco. The Wimp reminds Hannah that Fabio has "a one-track mind," and that Fabio's track matches theirs perfectly, or some such nonsense. The Wimp finishes by nuzzling Hannah while urging her not to worry, lest she "get wrinkles on [her] horns." Do you think they're evil? I think they're evil. I mean, I'm not entirely certain, of course, given the dearth of clues pointing in that direction, but I have sort of a hunch that maybe they might not have the best interests of the Glamorous Ladies of Halliwell Manor at heart, you know? Oh, shut up.

Manor attic. The three gals chat about Fabio and what he told Prue. Prue also describes Fabio's blinking ability, for which they as of yet have no name. Phoebe takes the locket from Prue and is immediately flung into a premonition. Well, actually, it's a post-monition, if you will. Phoebe receives a black-and-white vision of Melinda banishing Fabio into the locket forever and ever. Or, you know, until one of her stupid great-granddaughters lets him out of the damn thing. The ladies discuss this exciting new extension of Phoebe's powers, for up until now, she had received messages from the future alone. "We always knew our powers would grow," Prue reminds them. "Yeah, but somehow I thought I was gonna get to fly," Phoebe pouts. Third season, hag.

Establishing shot of that crushed cocktail waitress's apartment building, which has been magically rehabbed into office space in the last four weeks. They really had no budget for stock footage in the first season, did they? The camera takes in a sign that reads "Halliwell Rossen & Haas, Attorneys At Law" before cutting to the office's occupant, a husky, middle-aged legal type who likes to double-bill his clients. I think they included that last detail so the audience wouldn't mind so much when it came time for Fabio to kill him. Oops. Spoiler! Fabio blinks in, determines that the double-biller is "Arnold Halliwell," learns that Arnie is an only child, and snaps Arnie's neck with a little purloined TK. And...scene! Oh, sorry. Fabio makes a stoopid joke about lawyers, as well. You don't want to hear it. No, really. No. Really. Okay, fine: "Lawyers are. [Pause.] [Pause.] [Beat.] [Pause.] Still the same." I warned you.

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Charmed

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