Charmed
The Witch Is Back

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Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
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"What's a zoo?"

The camera pans across the darkened city before we land on the front steps of the Armenian Mutant of Neurasthenic Histrionics. Fog abounds. Nice touch. Pity they seem to have abandoned such touches in recent seasons. Prue scampers out through a side door, unseen by the wage-slave security guard, that goddamned spotted feather in her hand. Andy emerges from the fog and grabs her arm. Busted!

Buckland's. Fabio sends Hannah flying through the Wimp's office door. Is that any way to treat a lady? Honestly. The villains snarl at each other. The Wimp insists Fabio track down Piper to copy her power of molecular manipulation. Um, I mean "freezing time." Fabio wants to track Prue down first and kill her before she can curse him back into the locket. They compromise. Sort of. The Wimp hands Fabio an automatic pistol from his desk drawer and suggests that Fabio return to the Manor and use it as necessary. Fabio fondles the gun and smiles.

The Armenian Mutant. Andy grills Prue in his car while twirling that goddamned spotted feather around in his fingers. He threatens to charge her with breaking and entering and obstruction of justice unless she 'fesses up to whatever it is that's going on in her life. Prue tries to reason with him, then just gives up and squints at his steering wheel. Her squinty telekinesis activates the driver's-side airbag, which traps Andy in the car. She snatches the goddamned feather from his hand and disappears into the mist. And also into the commercial break.

Back from the break, Melinda, Piper, and Phoebe cluster around the center island in the kitchen. Melinda spoons the processed vanquishing herbs into a small leather pouch as her great-whatever-daughters worry themselves sick over Prue's whereabouts. Melinda's confident that Prue will return with the goddamned feather in time, and once she has, all they need do is add it to the pouch and hunt down Fabio. Surprise! Fabio's already there! And he's got a gun! He waves a hand at Piper, who levitates across the kitchen floor into his arms. He presses the barrel of the gun against her temple, ordering her to freeze him. Piper flatly refuses to do so, so Fabio waves the gun around in Phoebe's direction. Shoot her, Fabio! Shoot her in the head! Doesn't happen. Instead, we get a little deus ex Prue. The Prueminator motors into the kitchen through the back door and immediately TKs the automatic from Fabio's hand. While Fabio himself is immune to her telekinesis, he most certainly is not immune to that kitchen chair Prue sends crashing into his skull. Fabio crumples to the floor, allowing Piper to scamper over to Phoebe's side while Prue passes that goddamned spotted feather to Melinda. Melinda shoves the goddamned thing into the pouch of herbs just as Fabio rises to his feet. Piper finally hurls a freeze at the pasty-faced, manky-haired tool. Melinda recites the vanquishing spell from the top of the hour, and Fabio howls and vanishes into a whirlwind that sucks him back into the locket. "This is for eternity," Melinda vows.

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Charmed

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