Props to the lovely and talented and fabulous Maracev, for some mad crazy closed-captioning skills.
As I type these opening lines, my roommate -- with whom I have, at best, a cordial relationship -- is hosting twenty people I have never met for a Thanksgiving dinner I found out about this morning, in a tiny, two-bedroom apartment, with three dogs running around underfoot -- well, actually, more like running around at waist level, because these are huge fucking dogs, despite the fact that their owners all live in tiny two-bedroom apartments, like, on what plane of existence is that ever a good idea? -- and the dogs, when they're not busily defecating on the carpet, are apparently leaping up into people's laps to scarf food off the plates because none of the idiots out there realize what a stupid, stupid idea it is to have three huge and indifferently trained dogs jumping around during Thanksgiving dinner instead of, oh, say, locking them into one of the unused rooms for the duration, and the conversation has just taken a truly bizarre turn, as the invited guests -- dizzy, dimwitted, foul little fairies all -- have just learned to their apparent befuddlement and booze-fueled consternation that one of their number is -- gasp! -- Jewish, which is all a terribly roundabout way for me to note that although this episode was pretty damn good, especially when one considers this show's recent track record, I'm in just the right frame of mind to rip it to shreds anyway.
By the way, I'd like to dedicate this recap to the anonymous New York City maitre d' who informed the Bush twins and their Secret Service entourage that no tables were available for their party, nor would any become available for the next four years, so they might want to take their business elsewhere. Atta boy.
Previously on Charmed, there was much evasion and prevarication when Raige and Detective Doormat inquired as to the current whereabouts of Pepper Anderson, The Best Policewoman In The History Of Forever; Raige introduced Li'l Bulging Brody to the many joys of Book abuse because she trusts him; Raige and Li'l Bulging Brody totally did it; I'm Not Candy went Dolt diving and a vast blackness descended upon the earth, because that shit is just disgusting; the Dolt got another promotion and used his newfound abilities to pitch some rosy woo in Piper's general direction; and Piper told him to shove it all up his massive, child-abandoning ass.