Charmed
There's Something About Leo

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There's Something About The Dolt

Uniqua quickly follows, and Piper -- and presumably time itself -- unfreezes the instant she's gone. "What is the matter?" she gripes. The Dolt hems and haws and dodges and hesitates before dropping the Avatar bomb on Piper's head. Speaking of bombs, one pretty much erupts in the nonexistent attic when Piper, shocked speechless, zones and accidentally drops a full jar of something into the vanquish, which explodes violently to hurl her all the way across the room. The Dolt, entirely unaffected by the blast, races to her aid as the shattered copper pot smolders on the carpet. That's just going to ruin that rug. Much like those fucking dogs with their heedless defecation are ruining the rugs in my apartment as I type this. "No!" Piper shouts from the floor at the approaching ex-husband, an adamant index finger shuddering in the air for emphasis. "You stay away from me!" She pushes herself to her feet and vanishes from the frame in a fury. The stupid Dolt pouts his way into the commercial break. Shut up, Dolt.

Nonexistent Attic. Aftermath. Phoebe and Raige jiggle in from the upper stairs with yodeling noises of concern, to find Piper angrily scrubbing the remnants of the destroyed vanquish from the floorboards while batting away the Dolt's offers of assistance. By the way, Holly Marie Combs's post-pregnancy boobs are YOOOOOGE. Seriously. You know how the dead-eyed Psycho and poor, neglected, and doomed Tiny Gay Chris have been missing for the last four or five episodes? I think they fell into Holly's cleavage. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Long, acrimonious scene short, Raige and Phoebe learn who the Dolt's been hanging out with for the last couple of weeks, and despite his protests that the Avatars' intentions are entirely honorable, are as shocked and appalled as you'd expect them to be. "He's cracked!" Raige rages. "Absolutely," Phoebe deadpans, shooting her ex-brother-in-law a death glare. The Dolt argues his point a bit more before Piper orders him to take the kids to Not!warts so she can process through this latest round of Dolt-related angst and misery. "Are you sure you can trust him?" Raige's Moustache wonders. "I can trust my husband with our children," Piper, barely holding it together, sneers without taking her eyes off the Dolt. "Now please go," she demands of him. The Dolt puffs out his lower lip in sulky despair, but complies by plunging his hands into Piper's cleavage to retrieve his sons, with whom he skulks from the room. Raige's Moustache puckers with disgust as he passes. Heh. Phoebe frowns at his back with concern, then turns back to Piper to ask, "Do you think he's telling the truth?" "It would be a really stupid lie if he wasn't, don't you think?" Piper spits. Hee! The aggravated tone with which that line was delivered makes it clear Piper thinks Phoebe's a brainless, worthless simp. Phoebe, chastened, silently lowers her gaze as Piper pulls herself together enough to offer a partially sincere apology before ordering her sisters to whip up another batch of the ruined demon vanquish, while she herself heads downstairs to clean up. Raige, for some brutally stupid reason, decides instead to enlist Li'l Bulging Brody's aid in the current matter. Phoebe, because she is dumb, agrees.

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Charmed

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