Charmed
There's Something About Leo

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Demian: B | Grade It Now!
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There's Something About The Dolt

Hell. The Scorching Demonic Hotties flare in behind two imposingly hot Sokol sentinels and impale them. No, not like that. With actual swords. Though, you know, I'm sure Kevin 'n' Brad wouldn't have minded impaling the sentinels the other way first. Dirty! Anyway, the sentinels drop to their knees -- a position with which I am certain they are well acquainted -- and Kevin 'n' Brad take great pains to remove the sentinels' slave bracelets before withdrawing their athames, because the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. Or something like that. The sentinels dissolve into rapidly collapsing pillars of dust the moment Kevin 'n' Brad remove the daggers, which, again, is a nice, considered effects touch of the sort that is all too often missing from this show. Kevin slides his purloined slave bracelet up his arm while ordering Brad to do the same. Brad, clearly the bottom in this relationship, immediately complies, despite not understanding why he's doing so. Kevin reveals his cunning plan to attack the Charmed Ones on their home turf while disguised as Sokols. The Manor Morons will then, well, see above. Like, nine paragraphs above. Brad frets that any action against the Glamorous Ladies is tantamount to a suicide mission, but Kevin merely intends to drop by the house to leave a few slave bracelets lying around before flaring back out again. Brad then fidgets about how they might not succeed in securing the Mission District from other envious dark demonic forces, but Kevin assures him, "They won't be able to after we kill the innocent." "Those ancient rules," he continues, slowly advancing towards Brad with a lascivious swagger in his step, "are etched in...brimstone." And then Kevin tosses Brad up against the wall and they totally do it right there in the middle of Hell. Or maybe they flare out. Your choice.

Oh, joy. The party's moved on to Erasure's Abba cover album. Kill me. Now. By the way, they seem incapable of conversation that does not revolve around the six -- yes, there are now six -- huge fucking indifferently trained dogs now romping through the apartment, defecating on the carpets. Idiot assholes.

Not!warts and BORING! Elizabeth Dennehy orbs into Snidely's former office, and, much as with her last appearance on this show, the only thing of note in the scene in which she appears is how fabulously she's working that gold-toned velour she's sporting. What's that? You long for more detailed information? Fools! Okay, fine. Elizabeth Dennehy reveals that the Elders detected a power surge that could only have been caused by some entity reversing time, which must mean the Avatars are planning to attack, because no demonic force has had the power to reverse time since The Source's untimely demise. The first Source's untimely demise. I think. Or maybe it was Cole's untimely demise. The first one. Then again, it could have been D'Eartha's, too, you know. Whatever. Elizabeth's not being terribly clear here, is all. Though this revelation does lend credence to my assertion that The Source himself was responsible for the time shift that allowed for Shannen's Death By Alyssa. If we forget all about David Carradine. God, isn't this scene over yet? Anyway, Elizabeth then goes on to confirm how truly stupid and ever-useless the Ever-Useless Elders are by instructing the Dolt to warn the Charmed Ones of the Ever-Useless Elders' suspicions, like, you dingbats. Why weren't you eavesdropping on that raging argument in the nonexistent attic a couple of scenes ago? Whatever. I hate this show. Shifty Dolt argues that the Avatars might be a benevolent force, but Elizabeth isn't having it. She pep-talks him for a bit while continuing to warn of the threat the Avatars represent before orbing out. Shifty Dolt dances around in frustration, for the Gents' at Not!warts is closed for repairs. Or something like that.

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Charmed

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