Charmed
There's Something About Leo

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There's Something About The Dolt

The headlights of an approaching car sweep over the Glam Gals at this point, and the ladies turn to watch as a blue-collar type emerges from his car at the far end of the alleyway. "That our innocent?" Phoebe wonders. "We're about to find out," Piper grunts before ordering Raige to "get the dye." Meanwhile, the imperiled gentleman has inserted a key into the padlock securing a tall set of wooden doors. "They have to become visible to attack," Piper reminds her sisters, referring to the demonic threat as she leaps from her seat. "Come on," she orders. The shot cuts over to the imperiled innocent, who swings the gates open to discover the evening's first scorching demonic hottie waiting for him on the other side. Those of you who already saw this episode know the producers hired about a dozen of the hottest guys I've seen on this show in a very, very long time to portray the major demonic meanies featured in this episode. For those of you who haven't seen this episode, allow me to introduce you to Kevin Alejandro, and I'm glad his IMDb entry does not include his birthdate, because I really don't need to know he's younger than my nephews, thanks. "Who the hell are you?" the innocent gasps. "It won't matter," Kevin's pouty, pillowy lips articulate, right before Scorching Demonic Hottie No. 1 plants his fist in the innocent's gut, propelling the guy backwards about twenty feet down the alleyway, where the innocent plows ass-end first into a pile of Convenient Shipping Pallets Of Grave Bodily Injury. "Hey!" Piper shouts as she and her sisters round the corner. She then unleashes her Hands of Discontent, but fortunately, the resulting explosive mojo merely grazes Scorching Demonic Hottie No. 1's shoulder. I'd wonder why all of the latest dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell seem to be almost entirely immune to the mighty Hands of Discontent, but in this instance, I don't care, because Kevin Alejandro? Is hot, in case I haven't emphasized that fact enough as of yet, and I'd be sorely disappointed if his tantalizingly dirty ass were vanquished so early in the episode. Besides, I already know why Piper's mighty Hands of Discontent no longer work: Contrivance.

Anywho, Scorching Demonic Hottie No. 1 absorbs the blow with a brief hiss of pain before sneering at unseen entities off-camera, "Kill them." His form then flares a ruddy tone and vanishes, though we're led to believe based on Piper's earlier comments that he remains present for what follows, albeit invisible to the eye. Phoebe, clad in a hot pink down-stuffed nylon vest, follows Kevin's gaze to another, apparently empty, corner of the alleyway and shouts, "Throw the dye!" Raige quickly complies, and the bottles flip end over end through the air until Piper shatters them with another pair of Hands. A smoky cloud of blue spray settles towards the ground, in the process revealing a trio of manky-haired, leather-clad mouthbreathers, two of whom are already bouncing Flaming Balls Of Death in the palms of their hands. The mouthbreather on the left whips his FBOD in the Glamorous Ladies' direction, but Raige deflects it with her orbing telekinesis, so the thing abruptly reverses course in mid-air to plow back into the leftmost mouthbreather's chest. He explodes with a howl in a spray of bright demonic bits as the rightmost mouthbreather hurls his Flaming Ball Of Death at the Ps. "Heads up!" Phoebe calls as she grabs a nearby length of pipe. Employing the pipe as a baseball bat, she twists her upper body back before swinging forward with the thing to connect squarely with the FBOD, popping the Ball back to demolish the demon who threw it. Yes, they've never done that before, but you must understand: Alyssa Milano didn't start banging baseball players until last summer, and so lacked opportunities to perfect her swing until this year. And, yes, by "perfect her swing," I mean exactly what you think I do. Dirty birds. The remaining mouthbreather conjures an FBOD of his own, but Piper quickly dispatches that with her Hands, so he flares out to hurl FBODs another day.

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Charmed

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