Charmed
There's Something About Leo

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There's Something About The Dolt

Phoebe reveals that the Doormat himself is on the way over to the Manor at that very moment to hash out his suspicions while Raige is on her breakfast date. Piper vigorously rolls her eyes at this latest complication as the Dolt orbs into the room from above. "Hi," he sheepishly opens, hoping she'll talk. "I'll be in the attic," Piper grunts, blowing right past him to exit into the dining room. Heh. Phoebe snaps at the Dolt to follow her as the doorbell rings. Doormat calling! Phoebe allows him into the front hall to learn that "it's like [Pepper Anderson]'s disappeared off the face of the earth." And...that's enough of the Doormat for now, thanks, because I still don't care about the "soul searching" he's done since his ludicrous stint on death row, nor do I care about, oh, anything else that comes out of his mouth that does not further the plot along in some way. Fortunately, Raige barges through the front door at this moment to gripe about her aborted date with the potentially murderous Federal agent in question, so the Doormat beats a hasty retreat. "We friends now?" Raige squinches, hiking a thumb at the Doormat's disappearing back. "Yeah. Weird," is all Phoebe can offer at this awkward moment. "Bygones," she curtly adds as she stalks off down the hall. Rose McGowan flaps her arms around and mugs for the camera.

POOF. No, I'm not talking about the houseguests, who seem to be conducting dog races up and down the hallway outside my bedroom door while fucking Kool and his fucking Gang keep shrieking in the background. Fuckers. Actually, Piper's just added a pinch of something to the vanquish in a large copper pot up in the nonexistent attic, and the mixture's emitted a puff of dry ice as the camera pans up to find her squinting at the smoke. "This is not the time or place," Piper sighs as she waves a hand back and forth to dissipate the cloud. The Dolt presses on anyway about their relationship issues, but Piper shuts him up momentarily by warning him that the current potion preparation is so "dicey" a process, that were she to make the tiniest of Dolt-distracted mistakes, she risks "blowing up the house." "This is so frustrating," the Dolt seethes as Piper prepares to dump another ingredient in the pot. Suddenly, she grinds to a supernatural halt as the camera cuts down to the main stairwell to find Phoebe and Raige doing the same, before cutting again outside to reveal via frozen paperboys and streetcars that the Dolt's irritation has apparently somehow stopped all time, everywhere, from moving forward. I'm Not Candy and Uniqua immediately flare into the nonexistent attic to upbraid the Dolt for letting his emotions screw with the collective's power yet again. The Dolt makes whiny noises about lying to his ex-wife. "You must keep up pretenses," Uniqua warns. "There's no other way." The Dolt swiftly counters that he could just, you know, tell her the truth, but I'm Not Candy and Uniqua aren't having it. The scene gets endlessly talky as they bicker back and forth in this manner for far too long before I'm Not Candy finally sighs and, shooting a glance at the still-frozen Piper, concludes, "He needs to see for himself." "But what of the risk?" Uniqua responds, speaking around the Dolt as if he weren't standing right there beside her. "It's no greater than that of him tapping into the collective without intending to," I'm Not Candy counters, still referring to the Dolt in the third person despite his presence in the room, and if the Dolt weren't the dimwitted blockhead he so clearly is, he'd take this sort of objectification as a sign that the Avatars might not have his best interests at heart. "Very well," Uniqua concedes, still behaving as if the Dolt weren't there. "But if anything goes wrong," she warns, "everything could be lost. Our powers are not inexhaustible." I'm Not Candy just nods his head around and flares out.

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Charmed

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