Museum of Natural History, or rather, the Archive of Discarded Tales of the Gold Monkey Props. Day. Some professor is lecturing a bunch of students in a room full of display cases. I wonder if this is the museum where Prue worked in the series premiere, or if Phoebe has made good on her earlier threat to learn some "cool" stuff by taking classes, but this scene turns out to have nothing to do with the Halliwells at all and bored me to tears. Professor Two-Times (tm Goodfellas) is all: "Blah blah fabled book buried in the desert called the Acassic Records prattle prattle written account of all significant events throughout time yadda yadda powerful stuff -- could help you win the lottery, or tenure." Whatever, get back to your community college. The professor continues: "Everyone from Hera to Hitler has tried to locate the books wah wah to find them, to find them, one needs a map blather." Cut to Tommy Tech Vest standing near a large stone tablet, taking notes. The professor adds that whoever can break the code on the tablet will know the latitude and longitude of the records. The hieroglyphics on the tablet must include anvils, iron skillets, and baby grand pianos because Tommy Tech Vest suddenly exclaims, "Thats it!" and bolts out of there, nearly mowing down the prof. Nondescript Thug watches this.
Bay Ridge Convalescent Hospital, or rather, the Vegetable Patch-Up. Tommy Tech Vest is talking to his comatose father. TTV says hes "cracked the map," and the results are all in his brain. He points to his head when he says this, so were clued in: either hes a moron or he thinks the viewers are. Cut to Daddy Von Bulow, with his eyes rolled far back into his head. This character should have been named Owen to represent me on the show, instead of the frosted-tips guy two episodes ago, but I wasnt asked. TTV tells SVB hes worried that "theyll come after me the way they came after you." Phoebe "Low Rent Nightingale" walks in carrying flowers and wearing a hot pink candy-striper smock. Now I know this is California and shes only working around the comatose and shes merely an unpaid volunteer, but I find it completely inappropriate that shes sporting several long braided leather feather-ended roach clips in her hair. Phoebe the neurosurgeon tells TTV that he must believe his Dad can hear him, or he "wouldnt be talking to him." Thus we know that TTV and Phoebe are destined to marry and mate and produce several little Ralph Wiggums. Thug Doctor walks into the room and asks if he can speak to TTV in private. Phoebe the Fulbright Scholar stands there for a moment, then points to the door with both arms and deciphers aloud, "Oh. Yeah. Right. Outside!" She leaves. Thug Doctor and Tommy Tech Vest argue about possibly moving SVB because hes not recovering. TTV storms out, bumping into Pheebs in the hallway. She shudders and has a psychic vision of TTV being held down while someone sticks a large needle into his brain. She chases after him, but hes vapor.