Trial By Magic

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Guineas and goombahs and wops, oh my!

Out in the hall, Piper browbeats Raige for leaving the slampiece alone in the Manor. Raige counters that she can't very well have him tag along to the BLACK HOLE. The Dolt steps in to announce, "[Raige], keeping your secret has to be the most important thing." Raige spins on her heel to snit that she is keeping her secret by "lying to [her] best friend," despite how rotten that makes her feel. Piper asserts that Raige is missing the point. She can't let an outsider remain in the Manor unsupervised. Raige ignores this sage advice, babbling on about maintaining a life separate from witchcraft as Piper and Phoebe earlier urged her to do. Glenn emerges from the kitchen to butt in on their conversation again, like, lurk behind a corner if you want to eavesdrop, jackass. And knock it off with the insincere wiggling of gangly apologetic shoulders while you're at it. Piper grunts in frustration and orders Raige to "lock up all the doors" before she leaves for work. Piper and the Dolt stomp past Raige to leave for their appointment. Glenn asks Raige of Piper, "Is she always that much of a bitch?" Okay, he actually says, "Is she always that friendly?" but we all know what he means. Raige nods her head around a bit before kissing Glenn goodbye. He heads back to the kitchen as she shuts the front door behind her.

Palace Of Justice. Piper and the Dolt enter an interrogation room with Stan's lawyer -- a pinched, pencil-necked, bespectacled geek. I mention those details only because from them we are to assume that the lawyer is meek and uninspired in the defense of his client, as indeed he will prove himself to be shortly. The geek is having a bit of trouble wrapping his mind around the purpose of their visit. With the jury currently in deliberations, "only a miracle" can save his client from a trip to the chair. Or the gas chamber. Or whatever the hell it is they use to execute criminables in California these days. Piper tells him to put a sock in it. Darryl vouched for them, and they have reason to believe his client is innocent. Isn't that enough? Stan enters at this moment, and introductions are made. Piper quickly cuts to the chase. She and the Dolt believe Stan when he claims to have had a vision of his wife's murder, and they need Stan to provide as many details of his premonition as he can. The geek tries to shut down this line of inquiry, only to be shut down himself by his more manly and aggressive client. Because short-sleeved salmon shirts are a sure sign of virility. Stan reveals that he doesn't need premonitions to know who killed his ex-wife. "Angie" was doing the books for the magic club in which Stan worked. She noticed that the owner, "Andrew Wike," was using the club as a front to launder money. When Wike discovered that Angie had relayed this information to her ex-husband, Wike whacked her. Piper asks Stan if he'd noticed at any point a Medusa's Head Of Flawed Continuity on Wike's Enron. I mean, "forearm." Stan, unfortunately, hadn't. Piper "no worries" her way around this and exits with the Dolt. Stan furrows his manly salmon brow.

Arthur Andersen's House Of Magic. Piper tiptoes in with the Dolt, who suggests they return when the club is open. Piper dismisses this, as they don't have time. As they chat, a rat scurries across the floor. Piper shrieks and freezes it. "Demons you can handle, but not rats?" queries the Dolt. Piper sneers at him and unfreezes the rodent. A rodent of a different sort strides in from a back room and yells, "Hey! What you two doin' in here?" What is with the goddamn goombah accents tonight? I'm gonna call my Uncle Nicky and have him put a hit on Aaron Spelling. Kidding. Bookies just bust kneecaps. Besides, Uncle Nicky's been dead for twenty-four years. Anyway, this latest stereotype to strut down the guinea gangplank orders Piper and the Dolt to leave. As he does so, he gestures forcefully with his right arm, revealing the Medusa's Head Of Flawed Continuity etched thereon. Piper regards him warily, then steps out of the frame into commercial.

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