Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 326 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Mata Whori

Attic. Raige and Slampiece Buttfuck blither about their stupid relationship problems, with Buttfuck reminding the comatose in the audience that he's not allowed to practice magic before again insisting that he's responsible for the downfall of Chronic and Phoebe's relationship. Buttfuck next wonders if Raige can help him cleanse his family's bad karma, the better to give him a fresh start in life. Raige basically eye-rolls, "Not gonna happen," and claims that "karma is the DNA of the universe." "It's what balances everything out," she continues. "If you start screwing with that, you can mess up the entire cosmic order of things." "Maybe you could help me cast a spell," Buttfuck begins, not letting it drop. "What part of 'no shortcuts' are you not getting?" Raige condescends. She notes that the Book of Shadows contains both an "aura cleanse" and a "chakra cleanse," but no corresponding spell for karma. "If it were possible to be cleansed," she insists, "it would be in there, but there's no spell. It can't be done."

Piper enters to cut this conversation short with, "Got anything?" Raige has, indeed, and indicates the Book's entry on Swarm Demons. The text is far too small and far too densely serifed for me to read it, much less transcribe it, so we'll have to take Raige at her word when she claims the bondage queens "are distant relatives of Kazis and Vampires, which means they come from a hive." "So they were drones that we were killing," Piper realizes as Buttfuck suspiciously sidles over to the gals' potion table. "No wonder they kept coming back," Piper adds. "We have to kill the king to kill the hive, which requires a Power of Three spell." Piper immediately proposes retrieving Phoebe for the vanquish, but Raige urges her to allow Phoebe and Chronic a little time to sort through their issues. Piper is so not having it, but for some reason she caves anyway. She and Raige will track down the bondage queens' king on their own to…do nothing, really. They're just going to drop in for a couple of cocktails, I suppose. Stupid show. Raige squeezes herself into a jacket while offering to orb Buttfuck home. "It's okay," he says, "I drove over." Raige promises to call him as soon as she returns and orbs out with Piper. Buttfuck, so stupidly left alone in the attic by the woman who'd been paranoid about his potential for misuse of magic ever since she met him, and with whom he just had an endless chat about unethically manipulating spells to cleanse his family's bad karma, barely lets the gals dematerialize before darting over to the Book of Shadows. He flips through the pages, searching for an appropriate spell.

Charmed

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