Used Karma

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Mata Whori

Anyway, Piper's objection is that red is "the color of anger and violence and all things bad." "Bad?" the Dolt repeats with pouty lip. "I used that quilt." Uh-huh. Exactly. Piper rather anally announces that they'll be swaddling The Psycho in a powder-blue blanket from now on, then wonders why the Dolt switched off the "Serenity Mozart CD." The Dolt averts his eyes guiltily. Piper flings the blue blanket at her worthless ex-husband's scary gargoyle head and marches over to the boom box, ranting all the while about the need to "bathe" her son in goodness and "nurture peace and serenity." "Happy things!" she bellows. "Don't you think you're overreacting?" the Dolt timidly wonders. Nope, Piper firmly replies -- they can't take any chances. But didn't she just have an epiphany not to devote her life solely to the care and feeding of the little Psycho in the crib? "That was before [Big Gay] Chris informed us our child was going to grow up to be the future of all evil," Piper snorts. By the way, my husband's absence this evening is explained when Mother Dear reminds my father-in-law that she sent him off to "suss out if there's any new threats." Which is precisely what the two of us were doing in Sidetrack the other night when we ran into Greasy Wes from Boy Meets Boy. Shhh! Also: Ew. Greasy Wes is even more disgusting in person. But that's neither here nor there, I suppose. Piper argues that she still has a life separate from The Psycho. "I have the club," she insists before adding, "I have…friends." Both allow an awkward pause to hijack the conversation, understanding that Piper hasn't had anything resembling a friend in six years. In any event, Piper's been packing a little overnight bag during this, which she now shoves into the Dolt's hands with orders to orb the brat up to Whitelighterland until the gals have dealt with the bondage queens. Piper then bustles out of the room, taking great pains to dump the Dolt Family Heirloom Quilt into the trash on her way out. Okay, not really, but she does dismissively toss the thing onto the floor by the dresser. The Dolt dolts, then orbs out with his Psycho.

Attic. Raige and Slampiece Buttfuck blither about their stupid relationship problems, with Buttfuck reminding the comatose in the audience that he's not allowed to practice magic before again insisting that he's responsible for the downfall of Chronic and Phoebe's relationship. Buttfuck next wonders if Raige can help him cleanse his family's bad karma, the better to give him a fresh start in life. Raige basically eye-rolls, "Not gonna happen," and claims that "karma is the DNA of the universe." "It's what balances everything out," she continues. "If you start screwing with that, you can mess up the entire cosmic order of things." "Maybe you could help me cast a spell," Buttfuck begins, not letting it drop. "What part of 'no shortcuts' are you not getting?" Raige condescends. She notes that the Book of Shadows contains both an "aura cleanse" and a "chakra cleanse," but no corresponding spell for karma. "If it were possible to be cleansed," she insists, "it would be in there, but there's no spell. It can't be done."

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