We All Scream For Ice Cream

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Demian: D+ | Grade It Now!
We All Scream For Ice Cream

Piper comes to and tells Phoebe to "remind [her] of this day" should she ever express a desire to breed. The Dolt wanders up with Caleb, who is revealed to be the Molester's replacement. Piper sputters, "So your interest in me?" "Strictly professional," Caleb replies, slipping into his vertical-striped vendor jacket. The Dolt and Caleb had a little chat back at P3 while the sisters were actually getting things done, and it appears The Powers That Be sent Caleb the Halliwells' way once They became aware of the Molester's predicament. Except that Caleb showed up before the sisters had first encountered the goddamn Molester, so what the fuck ever. The Dolt wishes Caleb well as Caleb jumps into the van's driver's seat. Phoebe makes an unfunny about never thinking "of a Dreamsicle the same way again," and we fade to a nighttime shot of the Transamerica Pyramid.

Halliwell homestead, the next morning. In the hall, Victor prepares to take his leave of his daughters. Phoebe, popping out of a white beater with the word "Wyoming" stretched to near-illegibility between her ample breasts, moves over to her father for a hug. She tells Victor to "keep writing," and he reminds her that she no longer needs to keep their correspondence a secret. He adds inexplicably that Phoebe need not keep secrets "about anything." Phoebe's joyous expression melts into the Cole Guilt Goggle, and I just barely miss taking the skillet flying out of my television set in the forehead. Victor then moves to Piper, who has braided her hair in the same style as the now-vanquished brat from the evening prior. He asks Piper about the Dolt, telling her he thinks he'll have to have a "father's prerogative" chat with the Dolt at some point in the future. Piper grins at Victor playfully.

Victor then moves to Prue. "I'm not saying goodbye," she says. "I'm saying, 'See you soon, Dad,'" and pulls him into an affectionate embrace. Aw. Not. Hork. Victor reveals to the three that he's received an offer of a job based in the city, and with their permission, he smirks, he'll take it. The sisters smilingly give their assent. Before he walks out to catch his taxi, he turns to evaluate his daughters, noting that the four of them "have so much catching up to do." Piper speaks for the three when she tells him, "It's all right. It's different now." Victor agrees, and leaves. A shot of Phoebe, Piper, and Prue gazing after him, and this godforsaken episode is at long last over.

Next week, Phoebe, Piper, and Prue are getting a little rusty on their powers, so Large Marge is sent in to whip them back into shape. I know it doesn't make any sense, but then again, this episode made no sense whatsoever. Just go with it. Besides, Large Marge forbids them to wear "braless, strapless attire," which is about as big a shout-out as we're likely ever to receive. Try to have fun.

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