Witch Trial

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Witch Trial

Backlit demon with the BoS, surrounded by dry ice. Whoa, scary. Not. He turns the pages backwards, while speaking backwards. Words disappear.

Overhead shot of womyn gathering in a wooded clearing. Piper is there, wearing a nice summer dress. Phoebe, despite her worries about the BoS-stealing demon, still found the time to half-assedly braid her hair like Bo Derek and put on an electric blue tube top ensemble. Note to Phoebe: 10 came out twenty years ago, and Halloween's in four weeks. Do the math. Phoebe: "Can you feel the energy in this place? It's a convergence!" Piper: "It's a crock!" Zing! Not. They're supposed to meet Phoebe's witch friend, and Piper's nervous. Phoebe tells her sister to relax. 180 degree turn much, Pheebs? Stevie the pseudo-witch shows up and blah blah introductions blah blah the other women aren't witches too but believers blah blah this is a special place blah blah the sisters' anniversary is powerful because it's on the equinox blah blah "all you have to do is connect." Piper protests, but Phoebe convinces her to join the circle of chanting women. The Flute of Whimsical Comic Relief begins playing. The believer women drop their dresses to their feet. Phoebe grabs Piper, reasoning "when in Rome," and takes off her dress and convinces Piper to do the same. Another ungainly clothes-falling-to-feet shot, revealing that Piper's wearing white shoes after Labor Day. We can't see any nekkidness because Alyssa Milano, ever fearful of Internet exploitation, is hiding with Holly Marie Combs behind a stone wall. P & P bicker. Phoebe hears a woman moan, "The Power of Three," and is sure it's their grandmother.

Buckland's Auction House. Prue greets a woman who's put her dead husband's estate up for sale. The ratty chaos bun holding her hair back mitigates Prue's elegant appearance in a chic black suit. The women bond over talk of grieving. Widow seems to think the whole world is her grief counselor, and bemoans not saving her husband from his fatal accident. Prue looks at Widow with absolutely no emotion on her face whatsoever, prompting Owen to yell "Cut!" and wonder if there's an eighth stage that Kubler-Ross missed: stupefaction.

The Industrial Zone nightclub fa├žade. Piper pulls up in her SUV, and puts on a black jacket over her sundress. She enters and apologizes to Rob, the cute Yuppie Stud, for being late and asks if she "totally screwed up the loan" now. Rob says he was just looking around. Piper says blah blah the club needs a lot of work blah blah marketing studies blah blah running a nightclub is very similar to running a restaurant blah blah. Rob interrupts her, because he's already heard it. Note: Owen likes Rob. Rob says he understands everything, except why Piper wants to put herself in a position to fail like this. Uh-oh. An unsupportive male -- color Rob gone. Piper is nonplused. Rob says that clubs are very high risk, and Piper could lose her shirt. Piper mutters that "it wouldn't be the first time today." Zing! Bah-dum-bum. Piper adds that she knows the risks, and proceeds to explain her motivation: Nightclubs are a lot less risk, and are less expensive than opening her own restaurant, which is what she really wants to do. Forgive Owen, but he doesn't think Piper should be admitting to her loan officer how half-hearted she is about the business she hopes to open, even if she's macking with him. Rob tells her that, at the risk of Piper "not wanting to go out with him again" she has the loan, which makes Owen think that Rob thinks that Piper's a ho. Rob and Piper hug, then kiss, then tongues get involved, and however awkward the transition, Piper is now Valerie Malone.

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