Witch Trial

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Witch Trial

Halliwell Manor at night. Phoebe in the kitchen, still bitching to Piper: "We're screwed, you know." Phoebe has taken off the blue bath towel dress and put on some brown stretch pants and a hideous rust brown peasant blouse with exposed black bra straps. Piper, who has spent more time in Prue's regime than Phoebe, reminds her sister how Prue can get when she makes up her mind: "THAT'S IT." Phoebe, again: "We're screwed." Piper: "And we're out of wine." Owen sees enough whine and cheese to go around on this ep, but whatever. The doorbell rings. Phoebe gets it. It's Dan "The Man Who Is Comfortable With Menstruation (tm The Kids in the Hall)" Gordon. He's just stopping by to say thanks to Phoebe for her talk with Jenny, and for getting Jenny to talk to him. He gives her a bottle of wine. Phoebe says his gift is very sweet and timely. Dan says he actually wanted to get something out of it. Phoebe gives him a lascivious look. He just means that he'd like Phoebe to be available in case Jenny needs a woman to talk to again. Although this would be a perfect time to ask Dan if he's gay or has a girlfriend, Pheebs doesn't.

Phoebe, unfortunately, says sure, and adds that Jenny's a great kid. (If she means greatly annoying, then that's accurate.) Dan and Phoebe then titter over Jenny's tampon problem. Dan asks what size he should get her. Phoebe tells him to try "Junior." Please god, don't let Jenny come over to ask, "Have you ever felt not-so-fresh?" in the next episode. The phone rings. Dan leaves. The Muted Sax of Potential Romantic Entanglement warbles.

Piper hanging up the phone. Rob's assistant called (at night?) and she didn't get the loan. Phoebe comforts her. Piper is now really glad that she didn't sleep with Rob, which continues to feed into Owen's "ho" thesis. Piper, to the writers more than anyone else: "What was I thinking?" Phoebe: "About Leo, maybe?" The sisters hug, and Phoebe suddenly thrusts Dan's bottle at Piper, saying "Wine!" Owen hopes the characters will start boozing it up this season like the folks on Bewitched used to.

Police station. We know this because a sign in front says "POLICE." And there's a police car with a siren parked in front. And two policemen on motorcycles go speeding by. Okay, we're convinced. Daryl "Please Give Me Something To Do" Morris and Prue in an interminable grief bonding scene, underscored by Delicate Emotion-Disclosing Piano Music. Blah blah Andy's death isn't Prue's fault blah blah Daryl doesn't know the sisters' secret blah blah. What's in the fridge? Are the clothes ready to come out of the dryer? How many days until Buffy again?

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