Hell. D'Eartha rays into a long corridor lined with the shackled, tormented bodies of the damned. In other words, tonight's audience. D'Eartha breezes past our tortured, twisted shapes to enter an airy chamber, the center of which contains a large, cobwebbed cage. "I have an offer for you," D'Eartha tells the cage's occupant, who slumps in a heap of dust-coated fabric on the floor. The occupant lifts his head, and it's Lurch from The Addams Family movies. Lurch gazes at her for a beat, and then -- Lurch speaks! I don't think I ever heard Carel Struyken deliver much more than a grunt in anything I've ever seen him in, and it soon becomes clear just why that should be. He sounds like an anemic version of Ahnuld. Wait. That's not quite fair. Lurch has way better diction. Anyway, Lurch groans, "Nobody comes down to The Source's dungeon unless they are dead, damned, or desperate. Which one are you?" D'Eartha cops to the latter, claiming that she needs Lurch's power. Lurch is all, "I've got a power? No way!" The centuries he's spent locked in that cage have pretty much wiped out his memory. Oddly enough, those centuries don't seem to have affected his ability to rumba around said cage with the exposition. The Source -- though which particular incarnation of that demon is left unclear -- condemned Lurch to spend eternity alone in a cage "forged from unbreakable magic." "Nothing can escape it," Lurch elaborates for the benefit of all us tweaking retarded eleven-year-olds out here in TV land. Turns out that D'Eartha built the cage herself. She'll free Lurch if he agrees to "capture and contain a Charmed One" and "bring her to the Underworld" -- a task he, "a demon who has swallowed worlds," should not find difficult. Is he interested? Boy, howdy! Is he ever! He rises to his feet, and rises some more, then rises a little bit more after that before slurring, "Get me out!" Hee! Struyken is easily twice Debbi Morgan's size. She has to crane her neck all the way backwards to look him in the eye. She darkly reminds him she put him in that cage the first time around, and warns that if he betrays her, she won't hesitate to do it again. Lurch drools like Roman Polanski getting his hands on the latest edition of YM magazine.
Episode Report CardDemian: C- | 375 USERS: C+
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