Casa Del Sole. The camera pans up from the lonely pile of Cole ash on the terrazzo as Darryl emerges from the elevator with the ladies. He explains that they need to rearrange the apartment so it "looks like Cole left in a hurry." He's made an appointment for Phoebe that afternoon with the missing persons bureau. If she doesn't report Cole missing before his colleagues at the firm do, she'll become the primary suspect in his disappearance. Darryl's concerned that the police might link the Ps to Cole's death, and this plot bored me to tears the first time they fumbled their way through it. And that iteration featured Ruth Bader Ginsburg, The Angel Of Death, and coffee-flavored bat shit. This time around? Nothing quite so entertaining. The gals glumly agree to Darryl's plan. The detective takes in the pile of ash, the surrounding scorch mark on the floor, and the blown-out French doors. Darryl displays those mad policing skills of his when he duly notes, "This place looks like a crime scene." Raige steps up to the plate to recite her favorite all-purpose spell:
Let the Object of Objection
Become but a Dream
As I cause the Seen
To be Unseen.
Twinkly fairy lights scour the scorch mark from the floor, sweep up the lonely Cole ash and the shattered glass, and restore the French doors. "Thanks," Phoebe murmurs. Raige steps to her side, quietly wishing that she could make Phoebe's pain vanish just as easily. Aw. "So do I," Phoebe notes before adding, "You murdering witch!" Phoebe backhands Raige with her fist. Raige snipers to the carpet. "The baby made me do it!" Feebs cringes against Darryl's chest, promo-style. There are so many different ways I want to hurt Phoebe at this moment that I can't pick just one to describe for you. What overpaid, gibbering, idiot hack thought this would be amusing and entertaining, and could we please arrange to have that person shot in the head? You know, hire a professional so this sort of nausea-inducing garbage never appears on television again? I'll donate five bucks to the cause. Who's with me? Jesus. No, besides Him. Anyone? Anyway, Piper scoops Raige up from the floor and orders the party to split up. Phoebe and Darryl will take care of Cole's belongings while Piper and Raige find the remaining bottles of D'Eartha's purely evil urine. Phoebe leads the bewildered Darryl towards the boudoir as Darryl wonders, "Where is this baby everyone keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?" No, but we really want you to, so here's what you do, D: Take the Feebs into the bedroom, thwack her over the head with a lamp so she sprawls out onto the floor unconscious, and then jump up and down on her goddamned pelvis. Think you can handle that, sweetie? Thanks.