Charmed
Womb Raider

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Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Get Shortie

Back from the break, they waste a good minute of airtime with an opening travelogue that seems to consist of every single piece of daytime footage they've ever filmed of various San Francisco locations, while some alt-rock crapmeister whines, "A-yi-ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-ee-i" for what seems like forty-seven years. We finally end up at the Manor, with Raige's green Volkswagen parked in the street. Up in the kitchen, the Dolt peruses the morning paper while Raige details a disastrous date she had the previous evening. Piper cracks about preferring "quiet men because they make great listeners," which of course results in the Dolt popping his head from behind the paper with, "What, honey?" And that was the one thousand three hundred and ninety-sixth time they've made that joke on this show. This season. Phoebe straggles into the kitchen, clutching her dressing gown shut with both hands, and flops into a chair at Piper's side to moan about her morning sickness. She then exposits that "the nightmare came back." Phoebe's certain D'Eartha has nasty designs on the Phoetus, and is waiting for the moment D'Eartha summons her to Hell with no warning in order to do something dastardly. With all that out of the way, the four then remind everyone that Phoebe's husband is dead. Phoebe natters something about staying strong for her growing Spawn. Raige stands to check the Book of Shadows for a spell that can protect Phoebe from D'Eartha's wicked ways. When Piper reminds Raige that she's already late for "work" at THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES, Raige replies that "work" can wait. "Phoebe doesn't need to be stressful," Raige awkwardly explains. I think she was meant to say "stressed out," and Rose McGowan made a little Freudian slip that the director chose to retain. Raige exits, flashing a vast expanse of naked back at the camera so that we all know she's not wearing a bra.

Phoebe glances at Piper, then leaps up from the table to chase Raige into the hallway. Once there, she invites Raige to say "I told you so." You know, because for months now, Raige has been the Manor Cassandra, spraying righteous, correct, and ignored invective into the air regarding The Sole. Raige insists that the sort of gloating in which she's now invited to indulge is "not [her] style." Phoebe persists, apologizing for her callousness and willful disregard of Raige and her suspicions. Raige thanks Phoebe for the gesture, but deems the apology unnecessary. "Everything is totally fine," she assures Phoebe before turning to dart up the stairs. Phoebe heaves a guilty sigh as she watches Raige go.

As she heads back into the kitchen, Phoebe grips her head and groans. She's been getting "hot flashes" whenever she moves too quickly. Piper rightly notes that hot flashes are not a typical ailment during pregnancy, and suggests Phoebe take the appointment Piper had made for herself that day with her gynecologist. Apparently, Piper and the Dolt are checking Piper's "fertility," because they're still trying to bang out a brat of their own. Phoebe protests that she can't head to a regular gynecologist when she's carrying "a demonically-challenged baby." Who knows what effect D'Eartha's purely evil urine had on the Phoetus? Piper decides to accompany Phoebe in order to freeze things if the visit gets dicey. Phoebe's none too happy about this, but Piper insists. "Into the stirrups for you," she chirps as she punches a number into the cordless. "Ugh," pouts Phoebe. Indeed.

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Charmed

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