Womb Raider

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: A+
Get Shortie

Let the Object of Objection
Become but a Dream
As I cause the Seen
To be Unseen.

Twinkly fairy lights scour the scorch mark from the floor, sweep up the lonely Cole ash and the shattered glass, and restore the French doors. "Thanks," Phoebe murmurs. Raige steps to her side, quietly wishing that she could make Phoebe's pain vanish just as easily. Aw. "So do I," Phoebe notes before adding, "You murdering witch!" Phoebe backhands Raige with her fist. Raige snipers to the carpet. "The baby made me do it!" Feebs cringes against Darryl's chest, promo-style. There are so many different ways I want to hurt Phoebe at this moment that I can't pick just one to describe for you. What overpaid, gibbering, idiot hack thought this would be amusing and entertaining, and could we please arrange to have that person shot in the head? You know, hire a professional so this sort of nausea-inducing garbage never appears on television again? I'll donate five bucks to the cause. Who's with me? Jesus. No, besides Him. Anyone? Anyway, Piper scoops Raige up from the floor and orders the party to split up. Phoebe and Darryl will take care of Cole's belongings while Piper and Raige find the remaining bottles of D'Eartha's purely evil urine. Phoebe leads the bewildered Darryl towards the boudoir as Darryl wonders, "Where is this baby everyone keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?" No, but we really want you to, so here's what you do, D: Take the Feebs into the bedroom, thwack her over the head with a lamp so she sprawls out onto the floor unconscious, and then jump up and down on her goddamned pelvis. Think you can handle that, sweetie? Thanks.

Raige rages, "Am I the only one worried about that thing that's growing inside of her?" Piper tells her to cram it; they have to find the remaining bottles of tonic. Anyone want to bet that they'll actually find the tonic in the wall safe? No? What's that you say? D'Eartha would certainly have returned to the Casa after The Sole had been vanquished to remove any demonic playthings she might have left behind? Because D'Eartha is nothing if not a competent villain? I couldn't agree with you more. However, Kern & Ko. believe that we in the audience are mildly-retarded eleven-year-olds who have dropped far too many tabs of Ecstasy with our midlife-crisis nightmare of an estranged white-trash father, so we have to endure a scene in which Piper and Raige find the wall safe, Raige orbs the safe's door into her hands, and the two express great disappointment when they discover said wall safe empty save for an envelope addressed to the Feebs. Piper instantly recognizes the generic block capitals as Cole's handwriting, and pockets the note to protect it from Raige's nosy, prying eyes.

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