Chaderm. DEMERCH. MARCHED. RACHMED. ACHDERM. HARDMED. ARCHEMD. RACHEDM. EDCHEMA. CHMARED. CHAREMD. CHARMED. Now you know.
Fade up on a sickly-looking plant on the manor sun porch. Presumably, it's the following morning. An exchange I paid no attention to the first time I watched this follows. "I think they're lost, Piper," Darryl tells her as she empties a watercan into the plant. "Dead," he continues. "They're not," she counters. "Completely," she adds. See what they did there? Wasn't that cute? Okay, I'll shut up now. Phoebe, paging through the Book of Shadows, tells Darryl, "Piper waters when she's nervous." Phoebe's hair is still a braided, tangled, twisted mess, but she's ditched the knit cap in favor of some sort of patterned satin headband-that-really-isn't that arches over the crown of her head. I really need to know what the costume designer for this show is smoking. Darryl asks Piper why she's so tense, given that Mr. Chang has finally agreed to accept the offer of protective custody. "It's…it's…it's not him," Piper splutters, watering another plant on the porch. "It's the 'My Boyfriend Is A Demon' thing. It kind of hits a nerve -- with all of us," she continues, stammering a bit. Cole Guilt Goggle from beneath the headband-that-really-isn't. "I mean, obviously I'm not that upset because I'm with Leo, who's obviously not…" Phoebe leans into Darryl, noting that "Piper also babbles when she's nervous." Snicker. Piper "resents" this, and natters on some more about "this continuing issue" in the sisters' lives as Prue enters the porch carrying a yearbook. "What are you babbling about now?" she asks Piper, and Phoebe starts in with that throaty chuckling of hers. Piper notes that if she could freeze her sisters, she'd do it. "Often."
Prue sets the yearbook down on the table. She's opened it to a page celebrating Mr. Roberts, whose real name is Tom Peters. Tom's grinning in the photo like the slap-happy jock idiot he apparently was back in the day. The caption, for those of you interested, reads, "Tom Peters, Football Team Captain. Gold State's football team was 9-2 this year under the leadership of Tom Peters, wide receiver and team captain. He set school records with 96 receptions and 1255 yards during his senior year." "Wide receiver." Snerk. Phoebe didn't know her sister had dated the captain of the football team. "How suburban," she says. Indeed. Darryl remembers Tom, telling the Ps that Tom "blew out his knee his rookie year," after which he was involved in some sort of gambling scandal. A missing-persons report was also filed "about five or six years ago" after Tom "just disappeared." "More like 'went underground,'" Phoebe observes as Prue calls for The Human Dildo. Because I don't feel like typing that out time and time again, he's going back to being The Dolt in this recap. Prue notes that Tom's mother still lives in San Francisco, and stomps back into the manor proper, calling again for The Dolt. Piper supposes "the captain of the football team was a bigger deal than we ever knew," and turns to follow Prue into the kitchen. "Bigger." Snicker. Phoebe and Darryl give each other an eye roll, and rise from the table to head inside.