Despite last week's pretty enticing cliffhanger, it's another mediocre (at best) episode of our formerly favorite spy series. There are at least three different storylines going on, so I'll start with what seems like the A plot. A blood diamond dealer seeks Carmichael Industry's help getting his brother back from some kidnappers. He pays $200,000 up front, which is great for Team Bartowski (or should it be Team Grimes now?), since it turns out the guy doesn't want to save his brother; he wants to kill him. So the gang saves him and takes him back to their supposedly safe and secret Castle (but, remember, that Decker and the whole U.S. government knows where it is. Plus, Karl walked in earlier in the episode, so he does too. But none of that matters, because Morgan goes rogue and heads to the diamond dealer's compound to ... I don't know, actually. Take him down? He drags Chuck -- who's been made Morgan's handler -- along with him, and they nearly get themselves killed, before Casey and Sarah hire a rival private spy operation to save the day, costing them pretty much all of the $200,000 they made this episode.
Which brings us to our B plot. Carrie-Anne Moss is the leader of a rival spy group called Verbanski Industries. She took down Casey in 1995 in Minsk, and then they had sex. So there's a lot of history and tension there, which Casey tries to play off as her interest in him. But when he's calling her up at the episode's end to ask her on a date (though he chickens out, adorably), it's pretty clear he's the one with the greater interest. Carrie-Anne (whose name is Gertrude Verbanksi, actually) does try to hire Sarah away from Carmichael Industries, which Sarah thinks is a ploy to really hire Casey. But neither of them budges ... though someone else does. That someone, of course, is Morgan. He's not taking too kindly to being "handled" by Chuck or second-guessed by Sarah and Casey, or ever given a bit of direction. He thinks he can handle anything (he can't), and he wants to advertise his Intersect-ness (he tells Verbanski). He's basically a whining baby, and it reaches a point where I do actually hope he stays with Verbanski and becomes one of the bad guys. But this is Chuck, so we know that won't happen. Anyway, the most unsettling part of it all is that Morgan doesn't get an Indiana Jones reference. Or care about "trilogy night" with Chuck. Or know who Luke Skywalker is.
The C plot is the most entertaining and -- despite it being the Buy More plot -- the most successful. See, Big Mike's back from his sex and snorkeling vacation in Hawaii, and has an idea to help get the Buy More back on its feet. He pulls out an old video of himself shilling old Buy More products (BetaMax, anyone?) with his sex appeal. Chuck and Morgan tell him the Buy More may need a fresh face to go with new technology for its new campaign. After auditioning the Buy More employees, Big Mike recruits Captain Awesome. And we all know how that will go, since it's right there in his name. Basically, the Buy More's packed with people lured in by the appeal of the creamy skin and unnaturally high cheekbones of the heart surgeon/natural athlete. Now maybe the team can complain a little less about money and focus on what matters: getting the Intersect out of Morgan's clearly inferior brain and back into Chuck's before this show loses its few remaining viewers.
A few things Chuck wants us to know: Morgan's the Intersect 3.0 (or whatever we're on now). Decker froze Carmichael Industry's assets, so Chuck realized they need to make the Buy More profitable to support their spy business. Which is not at all where we open. Instead, Chuck, Sarah and Casey are making what appears to be a commercial but what turns out to be a sales pitch at some sort of spy conference. They just stand there and talk, then have a technical glitch with their Carmichael Industries logo. Where they opted to not go flashy, however, Verbanski Corp. comes in with lasers blazing in the dark. Their head is Gertrude Verbanski (Carrie-Anne Moss). "If we can get to you, we can get to anyone." Casey seems very upset about this, and explains it all to Sarah and Chuck back at his apartment. She was in KGB, and Casey was a patriot, back in 1995 in Minsk. They had an altercation, which left a knife scar right over one of Casey's favorite scars. Growl. Chuck says she was good, whoever she is, and she took all of their potential clients.
Then he breaks the bad news to Awesome, who ditched rock climbing to help him prep for the presentation. Awesome can't believe it didn't go well, since he gave Chuck all his pointers -- the same ones he used to woo "your hot sister." Awesome, ever the optimist, tells Chuck it's okay, though, since at least they still have the Buy More. Right? Cut to the empty Buy More, as Old West music plays. Chuck walks in and an actual tumbleweed rolls by. Morgan says it's from the new home and garden section they put in to drum up business. Or something. Then Morgan suggests they advertise his Intersect to bring in some customers, but Chuck points out that the Intersect can't exactly be public information. Then a guy walks in, and Morgan "zooms." (I will never get used to them using that; can we please go back to Chuck as the Intersect now, please?) He tells Chuck it's a bad guy, and before Chuck can stop him, Morgan zooms on some kung-fu, and stunt doubles his way over to do a leaping punch into the guy's face. Casey calls and tells Chuck their one potential client is about to show up. Chuck looks down and the guy Morgan just punched out is holding Casey's Carmichael Industries card... Aaaaaaaand Cake opening.
Chuck uses some smelling salts or something to wake up their potential client, who's played by Jeff Fahey (also known as Frank Lapidus, if you didn't notice). Sarah sweet-talks him a little, and even Casey gets in on it by offering muffins that he apparently made fresh this very morning. Lapidus's name here is Karl Sneijder. Chuck asks Karl why their partner might have thought he was a criminal, and Karl says he works in the diamond industry in Africa, and isn't known for keeping his hands clean. However, he is here for something legitimate: He wants to get his little brother, Wesley, back from some kidnappers. Wesley's a good man who's never had anything to do with the dirty diamonds. Casey asks why they should believe his brother was kidnapped, so Karl gives them a finger, presumably Wesley's. Karl offers $200,000 up front, and another $200,000 when they deliver his brother. He asks them to please consider helping his brother, even though they don't want to help him. Sarah tells him they'll take some time to consider, and Karl says that's fine. But he does want to know if their friend with the beard will be a problem. They all insist he won't.