Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: F
When X Is Not X

It's been long enough I guess that Walker has been to Istanbul, n other places, and now Russia -- no sign of Frost/Volkoff, still, or his new HQ -- and she's exhausted her leads. Meanwhile, has Chuck been reintersected? Nope. Casey pops up looking crunk and talking about how he needs to go on a mission and shoot guns, or else, and it's clear that working at the Buy More has increased his mugging hack acting to a degree that is no longer acceptable. Morgan appears and also bitches about the benching because of how crazy Casey is going, and Walker and Chuck are both feeling pressure.

Chuck goes downstairs and is immediately attacked by three ninjas. He flashes a few times but never quite reaches completion on it, and then tries to fight the ninjas his own self. This goes poorly, because Chuck is actually just a dork and not a spy at all. Rob Riggle -- who for some reason in my exhausted state I called ex-Navy last night but is in fact a Marine, which I know because I am obsessed with him -- appears with neck-beard and interprets his character in some pretty wild ways. He starts out tweedy and turtlenecky and gigantic, with the crazy eyes. Meet Agent Jim Rye, from CIA Psy Ops at Langley.

"I don't believe that the psychological rock [yep, sure] can be hoisted off the Intersect by watching kittens play with yarn. My method is physical, psychological, painful. Brutal." Problem is that watching Chuck deal with things is exactly like watching kittens play with yarn, so while I am totally on board in theory, in practice I don't see this working. I think some hug therapy and more talking about his mom would do it. Or put a gun to Ellie's head, that would do it. Pretty sure I would flash on some ninja skills if they pulled that. But just bitchslapping him at intervals? You're only gonna make Bartowski cry.

Rye asks Chuck to visualize the rock [absolutely] sitting on the Intersect, and Chuck starts describing it to him at length, size: "Largey-small." Bitchslap. No flash. Suckerpunch, no flash. Walker jumps in and gets all It Gets Better about this bullying, and Chuck grabs at the balloon string of his masculinity as it wafts away, but no luck. Rye attacks Walker in a form of martial arts she hasn't used since "spy candidate school," and of course she does awesome, and Riggle does the sexy crazy eyes: "You smell delightfully of grapefruit!" Weirded. So Rye explains that there are several possible courses of treatment -- "be it fear, pain, anxiety" -- that will eventually unrepress the Intersect the same way Sarah just remembered Kenpō. He sends Sarah out of the room and she feels nervous and emasculating. Upstairs, the horrible nerds are horrible and stalking Greta and she eats delicious Subway sandwiches and it's everything Masuka about this entire show at once.

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