Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: A+ | Grade It Now!
Everything Changes

...And then we see a ring as Jill announces to a houseful of people, "I'm engaged!" They all love her ring. Chuck makes cute about Jill getting five C's with her ring: cut, clarity, color, carat, and Chuck. Sarah and Casey are in the van, and Casey tells Chuck the ring cost the taxpayers a fortune, so not to lose it. Jill's parents think this is such a wonderful surprise, especially since they thought Jill was living in Helsinki. Her dad toasts to how wonderful Jill and Chuck are, and he how he remembers how they used to look at each other when they first met at Stanford. He says that deep down, they knew they were right for each other. Sarah is deadly serious, but Casey scoffs, then tells Chuck he now qualifies for conjugal visits.

Sarah and Casey say that Bernie's approaching, and they warn Chuck this guy's code name is the carnivore. When he arrives at the door, we see that it's Borat's naked-wrestling opponent. Fortunately, though, he's fully clothed this time. He asks what the big surprise is, and Jill's dad tells him Jill's engaged. Bernie's like, "Jill's here?! Where?" Chuck flashes on Bernie as Jill's mom's babbling to him about kids. His flash includes Bernie shooting someone, other ominous Fulcrum stuff, and a newspaper article that says "Out of Towner downs 96 ouncer" with a picture of Bernie in front of a plate of food with a photo caption that says, "Bernie Ominsky wins a free meal and a set of steak knives for eating the Ol' 96er." That is one complete Intersect in Chuck's brain.

Bernie approaches and tells Jill he thought she was in Helsinki. Chuck says she just works so much that she might as well be in prison. Which isn't even funny, and could help rile Bernie up. Instead Bernie hugs Chuck, and tells him to call him "Uncle Bernie," since they're family now. Jill's dad tells Bernie that he was just telling Chuck and Jill that the key to a good marriage is trust, and that your spouse must be the only person who will never betray you. Well, it might be nice if you have other people in your life who will also not betray you, but okay, anvil of foreshadowing, we see your point. Bernie asks to borrow Chuck and Jill for some alone time. He has some words of wisdom to share. As they leave, Jill's dad tells Chuck good luck and that Bernie didn't like Jill's last boyfriend, which was the last they ever saw of him. Chuck is totally freaked.

Bernie takes Jill and Chuck into a bedroom upstairs. Bernie asks how Jill is there, and she says she made a deal with the CIA. Chuck says all he has to do is help them, and he can have witness protection too. He pulls a gun and asks if they're wired. Chuck says no, but when Bernie asks again, Chuck admits it and gives him the wiretap in his ear. Casey wants to go in, but Sarah doesn't want to blow Chuck's cover. Um, why not?! What good is the cover doing him now? Jill's mom interrupts to tell them dinner's almost ready, then leaves, asking Bernie not to torture them too much. Chuck and Jill run off, and Bernie chases them through the house. Sarah and Casey ring the doorbell, and introduce themselves as Chuck's cousin, Sarah, and her boyfriend, John. Jill says Casey must be loaded, since they're "beauty and the beast." Chuck hollers through his watch that Bernie wants to kill him. Casey and Sarah pretend they have to use the bathroom and head upstairs. Jill and Chuck are in the attic, headed toward the window, when Bernie arrives and points the gun. Jill pleads with him. Chuck says he can't shoot them because the whole family will hear. Bernie says that's true, but he picks up a bat and says he can beat them to death. Chuck prepares for impact by covering his face with one hand, and his crotch with the other. Bernie raises the bat and then falls over.

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