Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: A | Grade It Now!
Two Intersects In One

Lester, Jeff, Morgan and Big Mike are at a computer. Morgan's setting a profile up for Big Mike on an online dating site. They give Big Mike the user name Lando Calrissian, even though Big Mike doesn't know who that is. I'm not sure how that's possible, but I'll play along. The profile also says Big Mike's 6'2" and 185 pounds. Big Mike's not sure he wants to lie that much, but Morgan tells him that everyone is taller and thinner online. Lester calls it the "Internet hotness conversion factor." Big Mike would like his job to be "manager at the Buy More," and all the guys laugh. Lester suggests astronaut, and Jeff throws out lion tamer. Morgan says he's got it, though, and types something. Big Mike says he doesn't know about online dating. He met his wife at a church picnic. He's explaining why that's better, but then Morgan finds the women who match Big Mike's profile and they're all hot. He's suddenly interested; screw the church picnic. But then Big Mike asks whether the Internet hotness conversion factor works both ways. Morgan tells him to lay off, because they're trying to help him find "dirty, nasty, filthy love."

Andy Richter is regaling a bunch of people with boring stories (who knew Andy Richter could be this good at being boring?) as Chuck stands far off, uninterested. Jenny McCarthy comes out of the house and tells him she shares his boredom. She then hits on him, and asks if he'd please come over and hook up with her. He says he's married, and she says she is, too. So she tells him to just come over when the honeymoon period is over. She slaps him on the butt as he heads over to Sarah.

Sarah asks him if he flashed on anyone; he didn't. He thinks everyone is clean, except Jenny McCarthy and her dirty mouth. He thinks maybe they're in the wrong cul de sac. Casey calls them inside, citing a slight problem with their cable. Inside, Casey finds a bug on the bottom of one of the food dishes. He says it looks like "one of ours" (what is with "one of ours" this episode?), but Chuck flashes and says it was actually stolen and is now Fulcrum's. Uh-oh. Sarah had been hoping for a garden-variety terrorist. Andy Richter tells Chuck his wieners are burning, and everyone at the party waves at them from outside the window. Casey says he knew these people creeped him out. Well, yeah, they're suburbanites, Casey. You're practically allergic, even without the Fulcrum implications.

Chuck and his golden retriever come down the stairs. He's in total dad pajamas. Matching flannel shirt and pants. He finds Sarah in a cute pink nightie cooking breakfast in the kitchen. She asks if he slept well, and he yells a response thinking it might still be bugged. She tells him Casey swept the house, and it's clean. He asks if they're inviting the neighbors over, but she says she's just cooking for him. Awwww. He thinks it's cute and gets the most adorable smile. He tells her he never pictured her doing this, and she tells him she's versatile. He asks if she's enjoying this Martha Stewart thing, and then tells her if she's not careful, she might turn into a real girl. He eats his omelet as she feeds food to the dog. It's very cute, but I actually found myself wondering if she'd put some sort of tracker in his food. I am such a skeptic. Chuck heads out to his car and all of the crazy neighbors are outside, too, so they wave. She comes out and gives him a grocery list, calling him sweetie. Then she kisses him and tells him to have a great day at work. He's loving this so much.

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