Somebody's using that stupid "Mambo #5" song for a long-distance service commercial ["starring Once and Again's Sela Ward" -- Wing Chun]. It was only a matter of time.

We come back Angels of Mercy hospital then inside where Dr. Price is walking like she's competing in the hospital administrator decathlon. She's wearing a long black coat and holding a slip of paper. She ducks into the locker room (motto: "Where we chill before prescribing your pill") and finds a buck naked and quite buff Dr. Wesley Williams. Forget everything I've said about this man. He may act like a wuss, but he has the body of a small, but very relevant deity. Williams, who is holding a towel, looks shiny and oily, not as if he just showered but as if he was self-basting. It just occurred to me that this is the brief nudity referred to in the opening: sorry, ladies. No naked Blair this week. Price asks where Turner's locker is while Williams just looks mortified and starts to stutter even though I'm sure he's always telling patients to put on little gowns where their asses hang out. Price, who doesn't even seem to notice that she is standing near a nearly naked, oily man, gets into Turner's locker presumably to fetch his things and look for any "I (heart) Dr. Price" scribbling he may have posted. Instead of putting on some clothes or strategically walking behind a stall, Williams just keeps watching Price, as if to say, "Hey! I hired a personal trainer just for this scene and if I want our entire viewing audience (four people and falling) to see it, well, they're just going to have to post a viewer-discretion warning before the show!" Price finally turns and seems to notice. She looks sideways at a wall mirror and she sees (as do we) Williams's bare, bare, bare ass. It's just hangin' out there. Yep. Naked butt. "Nice buns, doctor," she says very seriously, then walks out. Williams, looking very dazed, wanders to his own locker and we see a second, less gratuitous shot of his heinie. We salute Hill Harper, the actor who plays Williams, for this brave, dramatic acting choice.

Cut to the ER, where a seventeen-year-old girl is brought in with a gunshot wound. She looks just like one of those insufferable twins from the Old Navy ads who, with her sister, has starred in maybe fourteen twin-based sitcoms of their own with names like Double Trouble or Just the Two of Us or Wrigley Doublemint Presents.... You get the idea. Somebody had enough of her crap and decided to shoot her. She moans and screams while Weiss and Patterson take the helm on her treatment. They transfer her to a bed, while the cops accuse her of walking out of a convenience store with a stolen forty-ounce beverage and getting shot by the store owner. The girl threatens to shoot the store owner or at least put her in a really ugly orange Old Navy vest. Weiss continues to try to treat her while she flails and thrashes. Weiss, who looks more and more like King Ad Rock every day, tells her that if she doesn't settle down, he'll send her to surgery where she'll be laid up for a week instead of one day. She settles. Patterson, who's been giving Weiss the cold shoulder lately, looks impressed. Weiss tells the cops that no surgery will be necessary. Patterson turns to leave and tells Weiss she's going to meet her father. "Say hello to him for me if he'll hear it," he says, and she looks simultaneously annoyed and amused. The cops say that there are more shootings at the convenience store, so they'll be back. Weiss turns to his patient. "Whatchoo lookin' at?" she asks. Weiss is caught having deep fantasies about purchasing large quantities of cheap cargo pants.