City of Angels
Ax And Ye Shall Receive

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Ax And Ye Shall Receive

Previously on City of Angels: Dr. Turner was in a tizzy because his broom-closet buddy Dr. Lilian Price was accepting a job at UCLA; Ron Harris got mad at Price for the umpteenth time, a severed hand found its way into a diabetic meal; and we got all kinds of foreshadowing for this week's heavy make-out session between Price and Turner. Two more pages, kids, and you'll get to hear about some Vivica Fox-on-Blair Underwood action!

Shout outs to Wing Chun and Pamie -- keep ya heads up, yo! My dear friend Heather Cocks wasn't able to make it over this week, so I've fashioned a crude puppet made of granite and bamboo to take Heather's place. I shall call her Bamboo Heather.

Gospel vocals up on a helicopter shot of an early-morning L.A. skyline. We pan to Angels of Mercy hospital, then go inside to see a tiny stegosaurus pressed up against a window. This stegosaurus is being held by a very large man, who is holding the hand of another man. They are father and son. As they walk through the waiting room, everybody stands up in shock. We come around to reveal the older man has a large hatchet lodged in his skull. If it weren't for Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? somebody from Fox would be running in to sign him for his own reality special. The Hatchet Man politely pushes someone aside and whispers to the attendant, "I'd like to see a doctor." The attendant, who's busy with some of Dr. Price's prescribed paperwork, tells him to keep his trousers on. Then she looks up and reacts less than hospitably. "Oh that's funny," she says, thinking it's a prank. "My dad, he hurt," the younger man says. The attendant begins to realize it is indeed a real hatchet whacked into a real skull, and gets up to find a doctor. A policeman comes in to see what the hubbub is about. "Holy moley!" he says. "Help my daddy," the obviously mentally-challenged younger man tells him. The policeman calls the ER, requesting a chair (nine out ten members of the LAPD recommend sitting after trauma to the head), then starts pushing onlookers back, lest they disturb Hatchet Man, who has a benign, pleasant smile on his face as if he was just told his value meal will be super-sized for free. An attendant wheels in a chair and does a double take when he sees the hatchet. "Damn," he says. He carefully gets the man into the chair, then tells the son to let go. "It's alright Leon," Hatchet Man says, patting Leon's stegosaurus-holding hand. They wheel out Daddy, hatchet-first, into the OR. Leon begins crying, shouting, "I want my daddy!" The policeman tries to restrain Leon, but is pushed through a glass door. Leon blubbers some more and is tackled by four burly police officers and orderlies who just happened to be waiting for somebody to grab onto. "Did you see that?" I ask Bamboo Heather. A piece of her falls off and lands in my glass of V-8 Splash.

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City of Angels

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