During the next set of commercials, I notice Bamboo Heather begin to move out of the corner of my eye. Before I know what's happening, she attacks the real Heather, screaming, "Liver! Liver! Must get her fleshy liver!" I grab a utensil and begin stabbing Bamboo Heather, but her granite bends my fork. Heather screams, I scream, my cat runs to the other room, and we all fall in a heap, trying to beat Bamboo Heather off. In the end, I end up setting fire to her until all that is left is a big chunk of granite and some bamboo shards. "Are you okay?" I ask Flesh-Based Heather, helping her up. "Now explain to me again why you felt you needed to make a puppet of me," she replies.
Back at the hospital, it's nighttime. Harris is walking down the hall with a cell phone, bitching out Carlton for being the pansiest of the three lawyers on this week's show. Harris comes into the ER where Weiss is working on the face of a (presumably) female prostitute. "Stitches are bad for business," she says. Weiss makes a little joke while Patterson looks on, unamused. It's been four episodes since Patterson cracked a smile, and that was just because she was humoring her father into liking a white boy. The hooker, who not only has a heart of gold but an intuitive uterus, intuits that Patterson and Weiss like each other. Well, she's half right. Harris waits for Weiss to leave and walks up to the hooker, introducing himself as the CEO of the hospital. She introduces herself as "Honey...Suckle." Harris asks what happened to her. Honey says she got into a fight with a John. "I hope you weren't too hurt in the fracas," he says. "Honey, he didn't get nowhere near my fracas." Harris looks a little embarrassed, but he recovers long enough to direct her to his office when she's done. "You won't be sorry," he says, and winks at her. Harris is sneaky and dapper as he prepares to add her to his little black book entitled, Ho's I Knows. Walking down the hall, Harris calls Carlton back and tells him to bring all of his Amos Sotheby files to his office in an hour. Sneaky, sneaky, Mr. Freaky.
One hour later: Harris opens his door and welcomes "Miss Suckle." Suckle says Harris has a nice, but stuffy office. "I like that bald head," she adds. Harris asks about her rates, including what it would cost for about six hours of her time. "Oooh, you big bald tiger man!" she exclaims, rubbing her palm on his head like a chamois on a new car. She says it'll cost $1,000. Harris begins to get the money out, and she starts to undress. Harris moves to stop her and just then Carlton The Grown-up Lawyer walks in. He and Harris exchange big clumsy male looks.