Commercial for Rules of Engagement with Samuel L. Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones. According to movies like this, the only way people in the military can make a point is to yell at someone in a courtroom.
Back at the hospital, Lilian Price has thrown up her breakfast and is now turning in a blood sample under the guise of protecting a patient's confidentiality. Nancy, the blood tester, looks like she knows the score, but doesn't say anything. The results will be back later today.
Turner and Jackson come in to see the still-bedridden Ossie Davis who refers to each of them throughout the exchange as "good Sir Knight." He moans that his gangrenous legs are in revolt. "The revolt is progressing," Jackson says, and boy is it revolting. Turner says they'll have to amputate. "The King of England will not be halved," Ossie tells them, which is where the writers got the clever title for this week's episode, "To Halve and Halve Not." Turner says that without the operation, King Ossie will die. Ossie says he was feeling tuckered-out anyway and maybe it's time to call it a day. As the camera moves in dramatically, Ossie requests in a medieval tongue what amounts to a bed, some time with his buddies and a bit of poison to end it all. It's always about you, isn't it, Mr. King of England? Turner refuses to euthanize. King Ossie bellows about his fellows and the streets of England and I get the sudden urge to run to the fridge again. Turner says he has about two weeks to live. The King requests a bed in which to spend his last two weeks. Turner says he doesn't now if he can do it, but he'll try. "Don't try, do!" Ossie yells, and somewhere across another galaxy, the ghost of Yoda comes down with a splitting headache. Turner and Jackson walk out. Jackson whispers, "I can't stand that phrase. My dad uses it." "So did mine," Turner mumbles.
It's time for our weekly visit to The Suave Zone, a.k.a. Ron Harris's office. This week's guest is Dr. Ben Turner, who wants to see if he can swing a two-week stay for The King of England. Harris says he can't do it. If The King won't consent to surgery, he's out of luck. Turner says the man will leave, get run over, or die. "Quick and cost-effective," Harris counters. Wow, this Harris is one magnificent bastard. And he's wearing a dapper olive suit. "You keep him here, Ben, I'll smell him a mile away." No, Harris, you'll be smelling your own sweet vileness. Turner gets beeped. He sarcastically thanks Harris. "Door's always open," Harris responds, getting the last sneaky word.