Episode Report Card
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Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?

"Reggie, darling?" "Yes, Eddie my sweet?" "Why oh why is there a dirty baggie of mushrooms in your lingerie drawer?" "The same reason there's a dirty pair of cowboy boots by the door and a dirty overcoat in the hall closet." "Ah, yes -- remnants of the lovely Owen, then?" "That's right, my hunk o' burnin' love." "Whatever happened to your ex, anyway?" "I have no idea, bunny. I broke up with him over three weeks ago and he left, muttering something about Morocco and killer hash hookahs. I haven't heard from him since." "Shall I box these things up and ship them off to lands unknown, then?" "Please do, puppy. And Eddie?" "Yes?" "Why were you rooting around in my lingerie drawer?" "Why else, muffin? I was looking for something delicious to wear while I make you a soufflé." "Oh, Eddie. You're so good to me. Kiss me quick before I embark upon the recap." "Anything for you, my frosted cupcake." "Mmm! Raspberry lip-gloss! My favorite!"

Ahhhh...another Alias recap. How I've missed them so. Perhaps that's why the recaplet was nearly nineteen paragraphs long. I've had an absence of snark in my life for the past month and I'm itchin' to do some bitchin'. Julio! Bring mommy a bottle of Stoli and a straw. It's time to do some recappin'.

Previously on Alias: It was the year 1974. Or, at least, it FEELS like it was that long ago...

After catching up on the whole Francinator-blew-up-Dixon's-wife-and-all-he-got-was-a-huge-revenge-chip-on-his-shoulder storyline, we're hanging with Dix and Syd as Dix is screaming at some guy on the ground while holding an explosive device. Basically, Dix has a death wish, and unless Guy On The Ground tells him what he wants to know, he's gonna blow 'em all sky-high because, as he says, "[He has] nothing to lose!"

At Oops Center, Jack's frantically trying to convince Dix to drop the device and calm the fuck down. Syd's trying to do the same. Some random balding dude back at Oops Center pulls rank on Jack and orders Vaughn, stationed above the action, to take Dix out with a bullet from that gun he's manhandling. Vaughn's about to pull the trigger when...

...we're pulled back to Hell-Lay, seventy-two hours earlier. Yeah. I liked this device the first time around when it was used during "Truth Takes Time." Along with bulimia, the flashback/flash forward device is SO eighty-seven.

Anyway, we're at the wake for Mrs. Dix. Dix takes a seat on the sofa with his little girl. The mourners gather and kibitz, and the whole Oops Center collective is there, including Jack, Marshall, Vaughn, and Syd, who watches Dix and his crying daughter with a concerned expression on her face.

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