Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Right. "Countdown." When's the damn finale?

Sloane slams into some inner room and comes face-to-face with Grasshoppah himself, David Carradine. "Do you know who I am?" Sloane asks. "No, Grasshoppah," says Grasshoppah, "but I do know you're getting my floors all wet. Dry your damn boots!" Grasshoppah correctly surmises who Sloane is, and Sloane rewards him by whipping out a gun and shoving it in his face. Grasshoppah's all, your search for has frustrated you?

Okay, dudes, seriously. David Carradine must have the BEST sense of humor about himself, because he is so just repeating his Kung Fu character here. Like, unabashedly so. I half expected him to start talking backwards like Yoda, he's so Buddhist On The Mountaintop with this shit.

Sloane's all, FRUSTRATED? No, I'm not frustrated, you celibate FREAK. I've only been on this meaningless quest that YOU sent me on thirty years ago, and it made me abandon the CIA and betray everyone I EVER LOVED. Frustrated? Not me. No. No way. "Your wife has been killed," says Grasshoppah. This gives Sloane pause. "How did you know that?" he asks, his anger abating. Grasshoppah tells Sloane to put away the gun. "There is something I must show you." Before we can see whatever it is, however, we're carted off to Cartagena in order to pick up where the show began.

Cartagena. City Of Michael Douglas And Kathleen Turner Adventure Vehicles. Syd and Dix take out a couple of guards at the entrance to the cargo area. They make it over to the truck with the Holocaust Heart. Syd gets on the horn and informs everyone that they've made it. Vaughn, obviously promoted from Desk Jockey to Field Man Extraordinaire, pipes up that he copies and that he and his Band of Delicious Delta Force officers are ready, willing, and oh, so able. Jack copies that Vaughn copies, and tells him to await his signal.

Syd opens up the truck and finds that the goopy Holocaust Heart isn't in the truck. She announces that they'll have to search every container. NNNSA is all, nope! Don't have time. Let's blow some shit up. Jack's all, oh, just give it a minute or two, Mr. Jump The Gun. NNNSA is all, okay, fine, then move your daughter's boyfriend and his boys into place. Jack does so.

Vaughn and the boys get into position as Syd and Dix come upon some dudes. Syd quickly takes out one of the dudes and Dix handles the other, demanding to know the whereabouts of the Holocaust Heart. Guy On The Ground, from the beginning of the episode, tells Dix that he has no idea what he's talking about. Dix proceeds to break his promise to Syd and goes apeshit on Guy On The Ground. GOTG ain't giving up the goods.

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