Back in The Unspeakable Sack-Faced One's world, Teresa Spineless has been hauled in for a round of questioning. A very short round of questioning, as it turns out. For in case you've forgotten, The Unspeakable Sack-Faced One is omniscient. One wonders why he bothers to ask Teresa for her version of events, given that he already knows what happened. Professor Whack Job broke Teresa mentally and physically as part of an experiment. At some point, the experiment involved a bit of involuntary branding on Teresa's forearms. (The scars that remain necessitate her long-sleeved sweaters, don't you know.) At another point, the experiment included the demise of the sweet, bacon-loving "Dalmation," Fisher. Other elements and incidents are left to our imagination, but we do get a flashback to Teresa finally snapping. After silently enduring yet another screaming set of insults from Professor Whack Job, Teresa tasers him in the groin; attacks his torso with the letter opener, the staple remover (hee!), and the tape dispenser; glues his eyelids open; blinds him with the copier; forces him into the woods; trusses him up with the various "military" knots she presumably learned during his torture of her; and finally hoists him up on the pulley, where he strangles to death. It should be noted that as portrayed in the flashback, the professor appears to be a willing participant up until the very end. The sick fuck. Also, it's not entirely clear that Teresa meant to kill him, though that certainly is my own highly subjective opinion on the matter. Teresa at long last admits, "Had I known that I was a test -- that he didn't mean all those things he said -- I wouldn't have snapped. But I'm happy he's dead." "After six hours of torture," The Unspeakable Sack-Faced One opines, "I bet he is, too." You obviously didn't see the same flashback I did, you self-aggrandizing ass.

And look at that! The final word is mine! Mine, do you hear me? Mine! Muah ha ha ha ha!

For Sobell's sake, I hope they cancel this soon. Or, at the very least, get rid of Caruso. What an asshole. Back to you, Ms.