Speaking of babbling, Calleigh and Jo-Jo The Omnipotent Sack-Faced Blowhard do some of their own as they wander through the lab's hallway. She's identified the vegetable fibers in Professor Whack Job's fatal twine as "guadua augustifolia," also known, evidently, as "Colombian bamboo." We must trust her on this, mainly because my research for this episode began and ended with that Stanford Experiment nonsense. Jo-Jo The Omnipotent Sack-Faced Blowhard links the Colombian bamboo to one of Professor Whack Job's guest lecturers, and suggests they summon the gentleman for a chat. Eleven for thirteen, folks, though since Caruso and Ginny Smirk clearly have a thing going, we probably should just give him credit for all his thirteen scenes thus far.
Make that fourteen, what with the guest lecturer's interrogation immediately following the above chat in the hallway. But before we get into all that, I just have to stop for a moment to say: Jesus. Christ! What is wrong with Emily Procter's face? The woman is a slightly-thicker eyebrow pencil away from looking like Joan Crawford: The Trog Years. And the luggage under her eyes? Ack! Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I can tell you that Calleigh's translating for Jo-Jo The Omniscient Omnipotent Sack-Faced Blowhard, despite the fact Jo-Jo speaks perfectly good Spanish, as we shall shortly see. Calleigh faces "Señor Barbosa," formerly of the Colombian secret police, from across a table and asks on Jo-Jo's behalf just what Barbosa's relationship with the deceased whack job entailed. Barbosa replies, "Usted es una muy buena estudiante, señorita." "She's not a student," Jo-Jo The Omniscient Omnipotent Sack-Faced Blowhard sneers. "She's a police officer, so I suggest you answer her questions before you have to answer mine." Barbosa suaves something about how we're all students at one time or another, depending upon our specific relationships. "So you speak English," Jo-Jo The Omniscient states. Yeah, just like you speak Spanish, jackass. "This is about power for someone like you?" Jo-Jo asks as I roll my eyes and swallow my tongue at this fucker's audacity. What, dear Horatio, is it about when you have Calleigh translate for you despite the fact you speak the language yourself? If not power, then what? Sloth? "A narcissistic fantasy," Horatio continues, ignoring me, "in which you degrade somebody until they lose their identity? Their soul?" Their job on the spin-off of the highest-rated series on television? I'd love for a drunken Kim Delaney to stagger into the frame at this point and bash Caruso in the head with a bottle of Cuervo, but alas, it is not to be. I do receive some small satisfaction, though, when Señor Barbosa acidly calls Horatio on his crap by noting, "It is not what you do to people -- it is what you get them to do for you." He follows this statement with a pointed glare in Swiss Miss Slave-Girl's direction. Calleigh remains true to her boss, however, simply snotting in return something tedious about mental ability as it relates or does not relate to physical and psychological torture and wah. Whatever. This scene has become tiresome. Long story short, Señor Barbosa couldn't have murdered Professor Whack Job, because as a parting gift from the new regime down Colombia way, he had the flexor tendons in his hand severed with a machete. Yee-ouch. As Calleigh notes once they've left the interrogation room, "He couldn't even pick up a pencil." "Let alone string a man up in a tree," Jo-Jo The Omniscient Omnipotent Sack-Faced Blowhard concludes. "So he's not our killer. Hmmm."
Meanwhile, over in the B-plot of Token's despair, the gentleman in question confirms for Sevilla's benefit that Rancid Man is indeed Doug Reid. While the detective peers over his shoulder, Token carefully unfolds the wad of paper Megan found in his clothing. It's a brochure for Aruba, within which rests a small sheet of paper containing hastily scribbled directions. Token delicately lifts the sheet with a piece of film and flips it over to discover that it's a deposit slip for Larry's checking account. Sevilla smirks in triumph before heading over to Larry's with Token. Once there, they confront Larry with the evidence. Larry hastily cops to the insurance fraud, but insists that he had nothing to do with Doug's death, and offers an alibi. On the night Doug took care of the car, Larry was at the dog track. He even has the credit card receipts to prove it. "I swear, Doug was my friend," Larry asserts. "I would have no reason whatsoever to kill him." Enter Reason #1, in the form of Doug's ex, Caroline. She gawps vacantly at Token and Sevilla as Larry gulps.