CSI: Miami
CSI: Miami

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C- | 1071 USERS: B-
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Jail's Out For Summer!

Back at More Guts Than Sense: The Calleigh Duquesne Story, Calleigh's busy processing evidence in an empty lab, all alone, late at night. All we need is a freak with a chainsaw behind one door, a burnt guy with a fedora behind door number two, and Hank Kerner delivering pizza at door number three. Calleigh gets all jumpy while she pipettes and titrates, and when Hagen just appears out of nowhere to say hello, she nearly jumps out of her skin before recovering. Hagen asks if she got anything off the "31," and she tells him, "Petroleum and graphite." It's gun lubricant; Calleigh tells us, "It's old-school. Most modern lubricants have Teflon." She's about to send it off to Trace for the brand, and asks Hagen if he's going to follow her there too. You know, she could claim she left some evidence on the floor of her bedroom and get Hagen to follow her there. I'm just saying. After Hagen asks if Calleigh's okay, she replies, "Not only did I graduate from the same academy as you, but I'm a southern woman and all that implies, and I don't know why you have so little confidence in my ability to protect myself." You know, it's only because I, too, was raised south of the Mason-Dixon that I'm picking up the "southern woman and all that implies" line and thinking, "So it implies an ability to drink all night and hold besotted conversations where you declare, 'If I'm half the woman my momma was, I'm gonna be all right'? A weird hang-up about table manners? An inability to wear black to weddings? A regrettable tendency toward big hair in a totally unironic way?" I know, I know -- it's all about the steel magnolia, our ancestresses faced an invading army with moxie, blah dee blah. I'm just saying, there are aspects of southern womanhood beyond that, many of them involving matching accessories and to-die-for recipes, and they deserve their due too. Anyway, Hagen claims that it's all about how "my first partner, Ray Caine, worked Narco when he got killed on the job." What, are there all of eight detectives on the force? Must all crimes lead back to Horatio and his dead brother? Anyway, Hagen's all, "If I lose another partner, I get a rep. I've seen guys run off the force for it." Calleigh turns down his request that she bunk in with Speedle or Delko for the night. So he hangs around for his self-interest -- nudge nudge, wink wink -- and not Calleigh's. Awwww. Hagen likes Calleigh. He's going to start passing her ballistics reports with "Do you like me? Check ()yes ()maybe ()no. Will you go out with me? Check ()yes ()no" on them.

CSI: Miami

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