CSI: Miami
Body Count

Episode Report Card
Sobell: D+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Jail's Out For Summer!

Massive props to Dragon, without whom you'd have a recap that covered only 60 minutes of this episode and not the full 75.

We got no time for the beachy shores of Miami today; it's all about the prison action, at a location presumably close enough to make prison breaks an issue for Miami suburbanites. Why they don't float felons on a barge off the Keys is a municipal mystery that may never be answered. Anyway, we get plenty of shots of the prisoners taking their recreation out-of-doors. There are many men who have that "Body By Prison Weight Room, Tattoos By My Bitch" look. Two of them get into it on the basketball court. While we're getting acquainted with this setting, some sort of rap music is playing in the background; I suppose it's to give this some sort of hard-core cred, but really just sends middle America the message that anyone who makes or listens to rap is but one drive-by shooting away from carjacking a viewer's minivan and committing a drug-fueled act of violence out in the local soccer fields. Anyway, a shanking ensues.

We then see the prison gates opening to frame a shot of an empty courtyard under a Sergio Leone-filtered sky. Then, as if by magic, Horatio has appeared in the doorway and is now striding into the prison. He gets buzzed through the gate, and presumably heads right out to the basketball court where the bald, tattooed victim of the shanking has bled out. The weapon -- a toothbrush which has been altered so as to resemble a knife on one end -- is lying nearby. There had better be a really good reason Horatio's here, like finding out that the prison is but blocks away from the Miami Dolphins stadium and thus well within the jurisdiction, or maybe that Horatio lives next to the prison or something. Otherwise, it seems like the Department of Corrections might have a few employees who would investigate this themselves. Anyway, Horatio and a security guard glower at the body for a moment, bemoan all the free time the prisoners have on their hands. Well, when you cut things like high-school equivalency classes and programs that actually attempt to give convicts some marketable skills to fall back on once they're in the real world, the result's going to be a lot of free time. The sky-high recidivism rate is only a side effect, no doubt. Anyway, Horatio and the security guard head over to where the other basketball players are on their knees with their hands behind their heads. The net effect is...well, let's just put it this way: there is nobody on Earth who's going to be able to wear a prison jumpsuit well.

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CSI: Miami

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