CSI: Miami

Episode Report Card
Sobell: D+ | 1 USERS: A+
There are no other cases in Miami today...or tomorrow

Anyway -- no abandoned bags or backpacks, so whatever the kidnapper-cum-murderer used to attempt Ruthie's makeover has vanished with him. Horatio then changes subjects abruptly: "Ninety-nine percent of all violent pedophiles are male. Speed, also add glitter transfer, okay?" Oh, God. Brain freezing. Can't understand flow of conversation. Affecting ability to form complete sentences. Will leave unable to recap in anything other than Bridget Jones-style sentence fragments. V., v. bad. After Speedle leaves, Horatio looms over the body and decrees, "This guy's a pro. Prior planning, no witnesses, brought everything he needed." Megan notes, "He didn't get [beat] everything he wanted." Horatio says that the abductor is probably very frustrated right now, and Megan replies, "Means he's got to [beat] look for another victim." "Unless we get there first," Horatio intones. Then he dons his cape and cowl and speeds off to the HoratioCave, where his boy ward and British butler are waiting to help him fight crime. Megan and her cleavage turn around and address the issue of the little boy's clothes: "The clothes [beat] -- they've been worn. Where would he get them? [beat] From [beat] his own family? Or, more likely, [beat] he already had them." Horatio ignores her, electing to don the Crime Goggles and turn on the Crimescope. No, really. That's what the machine is called. Megan's got on her Crime Goggles too, and she whips the UV light around, aided by her cleavage. She confirms, "Affirmative [beat] on blood." Horatio notes, "Recycled from his last victim." Think globally, kill locally, I guess.

Delko, in the meanwhile, is drawing on his people skills to fingerprint everyone. He is the only person in this episode who isn't in a bad mood yet. That'll change the minute Horatio summons him to the loo. As Delko fingerprints people, they show up in a database. Welcome to John Ashcroft's America, y'all. Just then, a yuppie in training cuts in line to announce his credentials: "I'm a third-year law student at U of M." Speedle offers his congratulations. The law student demonstrates that all that tuition isn't going to waste when he says, "I know it's illegal for you to keep us here." Hasn't he been paying attention to who the attorney general in this country is? Delko says, "You're right, actually. But as a human being, I think you have an obligation to cooperate like everyone else, so why don't you get back in line for me, okay?" It's an impressive moral stand, but Delko forgets he's dealing with a would-be lawyer. Speedle is glaring in disgust. This surprises no one, right? After Don Jackball, Esq., is escorted back to his place in line, a nervous-looking blond guy asks, "Is that true? Can I go?" Speedle, whose look of disgust has crystallized into something approaching unalloyed misanthropy, smacks an adhesive tape on the guy's chest, lifts off glitter, and says shortly, "No, you can't. You know why? Because now you're a suspect. So go ahead and get comfortable, legally." Delko smiles a little, and Speedle mutters, "Jackass." Heh.

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CSI: Miami




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