CSI: Miami
Camp Fear

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Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Gassy and Sassy

It's party time in Barracks 2, as all the girls are sitting on the bunks in twos, gaily chatting. This must be the regimented small talk segment you hear so much about in boot camp. Just then, Horatio walks in, accompanied by Sevilla, Calleigh, Cawdrey, and Rapunzel. As he says, "Ladies..." the girls line up. We get the Cleavage Cam shot as Rapunzel barks, "Heads down." Horatio says, "That won't be necessary, Sergeant," because he is, of course, the master of every fricking situation he's in. Rapunzel corrects him with, "We have to earn the right to face others with dignity and respect, sir." Horatio looks taken aback at the concept of others having dignity and respect. Cawdrey says, "Senior Cadet Barreiro is one of our success stories. She used to steal, fight and disrespect her parents. Now she's planning on going to college." He says that like it's not possible to be Meadow Soprano and pull off the disrespecting-your-parents thing while attending college. Horatio couldn't care less, and asks about uniform shirts -- how many the girls are issued, and whether he can see them now. A locker inspection ensues, and we soon find out that Cadet Julie Morales is missing a shirt. Horatio asks her where it is, and Morales replies, "Sir, this cadet does not know, sir." Horatio says, "Maybe I can be of help to you. We believe we found the missing shirt on this young lady. Does she look familiar to you?" We see the photo of Jane Doe again, and then Morale's reaction. Either she's the girl who got doused during her push-ups earlier, or part of Pharos Academy's dress code involves damp and clingy t-shirts. Morales pauses for a moment before barking, "Sir, no sir!" Calleigh takes the good-cop approach by asking, "I'm going to go through your locker, okay?" Morales and Barreiero both look at her. Calleigh flips through things and asks Morales about a photo of her with a boy: "Is this your boyfriend?" "No. That's my brother," she replies softly. "Eyes front, cadet!" Barreiro snaps. And now, we can infer that something's up between Barreiro and Morales based on the tension between the two. Horatio and Calleigh blink at each other, and then Calleigh finds a long blonde hair the same color as Jane Doe's. Horatio says pertly, "Sergeant, we're going to have to process these barracks." "On what grounds?" Cawdrey growls. "Bad hair day!" Calleigh chirps.

As they process, Horatio notices a big splotch of something grainy on the floor. He promptly lifts a sample. Calleigh asks what he's got and Horatio says, "I'm not sure. I'm not sure about any of this." As Horatio expresses doubt, a rain of blood and a plague of frogs both descend on downtown Miami, and the token crazy the-end-is-nigh guy feels vindicated. Calleigh reiterates Horatio's doubt with, "Why would anyone sneak into a detention camp?" Cawdrey interrupts by asking how much longer the processing will take, arguing, "My girls need to get back to their routine." Horatio replies that they'll be finished as soon as they take Cawdrey's belt and pants; there's a tiny blood stain on the crotch that only Horatio and his ClueVision can detect. Cawdrey, who can't see the minute clues Horatio can, breathes, "What for?" and Horatio snits, "Why don't you tell me?"

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CSI: Miami

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