CSI: Miami
Dead Woman Walking

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Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Erin Crockovich

And then he hangs around and waits for God to reply to him while Roger Daltrey carries on over the credits. At least, that's the impression I get.

Once we're back on the show, it's clear that God had His hands full with the requests of assorted professional athletes to help them win their silly games, so he hasn't gotten back to Horatio yet. Instead, we only have Delko taking photos while Vin Ethanol tells us that the body on the ground isn't Michael Stipe's, but Carl Aspen's, and Carl's got a long list of charges -- a few for possession, but mostly assault and battery. "Looks like he got the battery this time. Lacerations on the face and lips. I saw a couple of torn nails, so I bagged his hands. May be able to get a few scrapings," Alexx replies. Then she rolls the body toward her, revealing the fat wad of cash wedged under Carl's spine. Delko excitedly calls for Horatio, who inquires, "And what do we have there?" "Paper currency; it's backed by the government's gold standard, and represents a standard unit of wealth which can then be accumulated for trade in obtaining goods and services," says a puzzled Delko, who's evidently wondering how someone Horatio's age could have conducted his whole life via a barter economy. Oh, he does not either; I just made that up because Horatio's habit of asking obvious questions is beginning to give me a nervous tic and I've got to release the stress somehow. Leave me my fantasies! What actually happens is that Delko replies, "It's damp," thus completely ignoring Horatio's question and introducing a new observation. Not to be left out of the fun, Horatio deduces, "It's probably from the substance inside the syringe. How much is there?" Once he learns that it's the grand sum of $203, he shares, "That rules out money as a motive. Alexx, do you have time of death?" She pries open Carl's eye and notes that there's no corneal cloudiness, so that places the time of death at an hour to two hours prior, or 4 to 6 AM. Horatio concludes, "So Carl here was looking to score, needed money, but jumped the wrong person, didn't he?" Because the right person would have maybe not killed him? What a brilliant conclusion, Horatio! Thank you for putting it in the form of a question so we don't feel all stupid for not having arrived at that deduction ourselves! You can tell that the question thing has replaced Megan Donner's [beat] elliptical pauses as the [beat] dialogue quirk on this show that will drive [beat] me to drink, can't you? Before Horatio can expound further on his theory of right and wrong people to mug at 4 AM, his eagle eyes detect a new piece of evidence: "Eric." Delko replies, "Yes, Horatio." "That's a pencil, isn't it?" Delko enables Horatio's nasty conversational tic by saying, "Yes, it is." Delko places the scale, then photographs the pencil before noting that it's been chewed on. Horatio orders that the pencil be processed for saliva and epithelials, and that's that.

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CSI: Miami

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