CSI: Miami
Dispo Day

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Sobell: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Let the Fire Cleanse You, Horatio!

The episode opens with a shot of two giant cruise ships in the harbor. Since the water around them is not rapidly turning black, we can assume they're not dumping their waste holds and possibly infecting the Miami harbors with ecological invaders; maybe that's just a special treat they save for other formerly pristine waters. Anyway -- the cruise ships, the palm trees, the establishing shots.

We then hear a dispatcher saying, "CSI evidence disposal motorcade headed onto Washington." Said motorcade includes a big armored truck, a Humvee, and a police car. Horatio's voice comes over the dispatch, "Roger that. Proceed north on Robbins. Keep this channel open, please." Inside the truck, Speedle and an unnamed driver -- let's just call him Randy Redshirt -- look distinctly unimpressed.

As Speedle looks out the window, the scene fades, as if in flashback. However, we soon see that we're flashing back to what Speedle and friends did at work that day. Huh? That's not nearly so dramatic and interesting as normal television flashbacks; I expect a decent flashback to have adultery, alien abduction, infants born under cover of secrecy, wizened old men selling mogwais to colorless rubes, elaborate schemes embroidered by moustache-twirling villains and/or blue-suited government types, murder, mayhem, dwarves chewing gum, doves flying around as Chow Yun Fat goes down with his guns blazing, fairy elf princesses putting the make on Viggo Mortenson...you get the idea. I do not expect to see the Bob-white Club slicing open sealed boxes of confiscated drugs and testing them to make sure they haven't been replaced with corn starch. Those people need to get decent lives so they can flash back to those later, or else they'll be having Big Chill-style reunions where they all reminisce about their favorite centrifuge or something.

The convoy continues, and we're treated to a shot of Horatio's face because it's been forty-five seconds since his last appearance, and that's just too damn long.

Just then, a funeral procession cuts across the empty street, the hearse accompanied by what appears to be a patrolman on a motorcycle. It's a tiny procession -- just the hearse and the car -- yet it somehow rates its own flashback, too: two men we don't know and therefore don't care about sliding a coffin into the hearse. The hearse and its escort pull up to Horatio's humvee and the dispatcher says, "Uh, CSI? We got a funeral procession making its way up to you." This raises all sorts of interesting questions in my mind: are all funeral processions, large or small, registered with the police department and given an escort? And knowing that the CSI team is currently undertaking a sensitive evidence-disposal operation, wouldn't the police department have rerouted the funeral to give the disposal motorcade maximum security? I think too much about these things.

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CSI: Miami

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