CSI: Miami
Dispo Day

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Let the Fire Cleanse You, Horatio!

Meanwhile, Speedle's looking distinctly unimpressed while he sits and waits for his polygraph. He fidgets a little, and then looks up at the closed-circuit security camera with a pained expression. Jack the IAB guy watches him fidget. And here I go, referencing the same loose pool of source material twice in two paragraphs, but David Simon's observations on what guilty versus innocent people do while waiting to be interrogated is right on the money. The innocent fidget; the guilty sleep.

Since we spent a whole scene away from Horatio, it's time to restore the natural order of the CSI: Miami episode and feature Him, Him, Him. We see a surprisingly low-key-looking Calleigh -- plain black top setting off straight, non-fussy hair -- explaining a computer simulation of the gunplay to Horatio. She tells Horatio she recovered 122 pieces of firearm evidence. Horatio compliments her on her work, and Calleigh replies, "Well, you know what they say: you don't know who you are until --" "All hell breaks loose," Horatio finishes. Perhaps the answer to that was "until you're in the Tao," or "until you've achieved inner serenity" or "until you've become a member of the Pepsi Generation." We'll never know, will we, Horatio? God, I hate him. There, it's out -- I loathe this character. I despise his arbitrary and solipsistic code of morals; I hate his mewling sentimentality and bone-deep, patronizing chauvinism; I detest his self-important demeanor when dealing with others; I abhor the very patterns of his speech. And the thing that galls me is that the character could have been so interesting: you could have had someone who is totally isolated from his co-workers because of these personal experiences and this moral code he's substituted for any sort of self-awareness, and that combination of heroism and pitiability would have been compelling. Or you could have had a character who's a genuine policeman in the sense that he trusts his instinct and he feels genuinely ambivalent about becoming a CSI, and watching this guy try to ride herd on a bunch of passionate evidence geeks he can't understand would have been compelling. But instead, we've got fucking omniscient Horatio Caine, polymath avenger of the wronged, leader of a subdepartmental cult, and it's boring, irritating and self-serving for someone on this show. That character is an unwatchable wasted opportunity without any redeeming value.

Okay, so that's out of my system. I feel ten pounds lighter.

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CSI: Miami

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