CSI: Miami
Dispo Day

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Let the Fire Cleanse You, Horatio!

Anyway, Horatio decrees, "Let them pass. And bring the widow unto Me." Oh, he stops before voicing the widow request, but you know he's thinking it. As the funeral motorcade speeds up, Horatio studies the motorcycle patrolman curiously. The patrolman pulls ahead into a three-way intersection -- there's no way anyone can go straight, just left or right -- and Horatio notices that the motorcycle is strategically placed so nobody can turn left or right until the guy moves. He also notices, "Kevlar...at a funeral?" Why not? It's the latest in paranoid chic. As Horatio gets on the dispatch and says, "Everybody on alert. I don't like this," a station wagon materializes out of nowhere and plows into the side of the hearse, effectively snarling up the intersection and trapping the armored transport with nowhere to go. For some reason, I flash back to the episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 where Dylan got married and on his wedding night, paid assassins confused his wife (played by Rebecca Gayheart) for him in a similar auto-crash-style trap. I don't think we're going to see anything so viscerally satisfying as Luke Perry buzzing off into the sunset at the end of this episode, though.

What we do see instead: the rent-a-cop lobbing a smoke bomb into the vehicular fracas, thus obscuring visibility while retaining the element of surprise. He then uses the strategic advantage to take out one of the cops in the patrol car with what looks like a hand cannon before being shot by the pissed-off guy in the patrol car's passenger seat. This is the cue for the two guys riding in the hearse to come out with their semis blazing. They dispatch a few random people to make sure the body count goes up, then head toward the disposal truck. Horatio's all business as he skulks around the Humvee and brandishes his gun as if he knows what to do with it. Speedle -- witnessing a hail of bullets coming through the windshield of his ride and taking out the guy next to him -- is considerably less sanguine. Meanwhile, in the station wagon, the woman is uselessly screaming, "The baby! The baby!" as she tries to crawl over the seat and unfasten the straps in the kid carrier in the back seat.

Horatio can't go rescue the mother and child yet because he's too busy felling bad guys with a single well-placed bullet while all around him, the other people shoot it up A Team-style. The bad guys are heading for the dispo truck now, where Speedle is trying to hold them off and failing spectacularly. You can't blame the guy for location (i.e. hiding behind a truck door and thus not able to see anything), but the jammed gun and wild non-aim can't be helping matters much, and the guy next to him falling on top of him -- or being pulled to safety in a really improvisational manner, take your pick -- is the kicker in the Things That Will Affect Your Ability to Shoot trifecta. By the way, the woman's still screaming, "The baby!" It's a cute baby, and its cuteness goads Horatio into running over to play hero while around him, besieged SWAT team members drag their fallen comrades out of further harm's way. While this is going on, one of the bad guys has actually made it to the truck and is opening the door to climb across the seat. The other heads around the truck to finish off Speedle and Randy Redshirt, both of whom are lying on the pavement. Guy #2 comes around and points his gun down at Speedle; Speedle points his up in return and fires first. Or, more accurately, tries to fire first. His gun is jammed and only clicks impotently. This buys the other guy time to plug Speedle in the chest.

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CSI: Miami

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