In the break room, Calleigh goes to pull a soda out of the fridge and Delko stops her, pointing out, "Cola has caffeine." Calleigh thanks him for the reminder. Delko asks if she's nervous and Calleigh replies, "Well, I figure if I could pass the polygraph that got me through the academy, it would be smooth sailing." Exactly how brutal was this polygraph? "Do you yearn to work for the redheaded stepchild of God?" "Are you willing to don clown paint and prairie blouses on days other than Halloween?" We find out that the polygraph makes Delko feel guilty. Calleigh asks, "Why do you feel guilty when you haven't done anything?" Delko nails it: "I'm Catholic. I don't know. I always feel guilty." That should be a bumper sticker if it isn't already. Speedle the heretic comes in to chide Delko, "Don't worry about your religion in the chair because the poly picks up discomfort, not the truth." He then turns to Calleigh and asks if she recovered his weapon. She replies, "Yeah" in a please-don't-ask-anymore tone. Speedle catches the meaning pretty clearly. Calleigh tries to change the subject by asking brightly and toothily, "So, you gonna shave before you go to IAB?" Speedle sighs in response, "It's a polygraph test, not a portrait." Calleigh's smile falters before she rallies, "Presentation is everything." Coming from a woman who uses Divine as her cosmetic inspiration and Laura Ingalls Wilder as her sartorial guide, this is rich. Right then, Jack comes into the lounge to ask who's first. Calleigh excuses herself, "I've got a lab full of evidence." Speedle follows her out, explaining, "DNA." Delko sits on the couch and mentally plans ways to make his fellow Bob-whites lives miserable once they get out of this scrape.
Calleigh and Horatio are having a little tête-a-tête in the hall. We find out that Calleigh hasn't worked on the station wagon that caused the entire dispo day débacle. Horatio warns her against Jack the IAB guy, cautioning her, "You watch what you say. Stick to ballistics, and I'll stick with the car, all right?" Off they go to their respective tasks.
Delko's being wired for lies. As the technician attaches assorted monitors, we get the stupidest TMICam shot ever of an electrical impulse traveling from Delko's torso to the monitoring equipment. Since we won't get any visual aid to demonstrate the difference between "true" responses and "false" readings, knowing that a polygraph measures body responses by gauging their fluctuations is pretty damn useless. As Delko settles in for the inquisition, the tech asks, "Were you born in Miami?" "Yes," Delko responds guiltily. She then asks, "What is four times six plus three?" "I was told there weren't going to be any word problems," Delko says nervously. Oh, he does not. He does My Dear Aunt Sally -- multiply and divide before you add and subtract -- to come up with 27. He asks, "Why a math problem?" and the tech replies, "Mental calculations record as a lie." "You have to think to calculate. Calculate the lie?" Delko asks. The tech declines to respond, perhaps because then she'd have to explain how the polygraph is totally useless if someone has to think hard to recollect the circumstances behind a yes or no answer. For example, I'm terrible with dates, so if someone asked me, "Did you give up chocolate on March 5?" I'd have to do a lot of calculating before honestly answering yes, yet I'd be tagged as a liar. See what I mean? Anyway, the tech decides to turn the screws on Delko and ask, "Have you ever lied to someone who loved and trusted you?" Delko goes into a fit of repentant shame before answering, "Yes." The tech gapes at him judgmentally. Then she asks, "Recently?" He replies, "Yes." Well, no kidding -- what else is he gonna do when Calleigh asks if he likes her outfit? The tech asks, "Was it work-related?" and Delko goes through more Catholic agonies before replying, "No." The tech watches the polygraph readings -- lines without context, dear readers, so utterly pointless to civilians such as we -- and the interrogation continues without our observation.