The next day, Delko is peering through a microscope at that troublesome non-human hair. Speedle is across the desk, doing likewise. There's much talk of fragmented medullas and how the index is less than one-third, and I know how the wife's always going on about how they don't emphasize the science enough on this show, but really -- they're spending an inordinate amount of time talking about the finer points of hair samples. Bottom line: the hair's from a higher primate of some sort. Better lawyer up, Bubbles. That mystery solved, Speedle has more important concerns on his mind. "Ever date a stripper?" he asks Delko. "I wouldn't call it dating," Delko begins, and before we can go into further detail about how Delko's on the bouncers' No Admittance list down at The Spearmint Rhino, Horatio blusters in. "Gentlemen," he says. "What have we got?" Ape hair, Horatio! Didn't you read this paragraph? "Let's assume then that the victim brought the hair to the party," Horatio declares. "From where he works or lives," says Delko, finishing the thought. Horatio orders his boy wards to check out any zoos, circuses, or animal shows in the area -- "anywhere that an Eastern European with bad teeth could have access to an ape." I dunno -- the Russian consulate? A Florida Panthers game? Is Cirque du Soleil in town?
None of the above, as it turns out -- it's a zoo. Quite possibly, the Miami MetroZoo, located at 124th Avenue and 152nd Street just south of Miami proper, and home to more than seven hundred wild animals housed in cageless subtropical environments. Of course, if we called it that, the CSI Miami producers would probably have to pay the zoo folks, so let's just call it the Miami FakeZoo. Delko is busy taking hairs off a Yakov Smirnoff look-alike and chatting him up in Russian. "You work with chimps?" Delko asks. "I could say the same about you," Yakov replies. No, he doesn't -- he confirms that he works all over the zoo, along with his cousin, who I assume is our murder victim. Delko notes that Yakov is sporting some nasty scratches on his face. Yakov tries to ham-fistedly change the subject by wondering where Delko learned to speak Russian. Hey, Sobell wrote the FAQ for a reason, Boris. Meanwhile, in another part of FakeZoo, Horatio is showing photos of the recently deceased to a white-suited PR flak. "That's Victor Ratsch," the flak says, finally identifying one of the key figures in the story fourteen minutes into the episode. "Night custodian. His cousin got him the job." The flak also helpfully notes that Victor and his cousin Vadim -- whom we will continue to call Yakov, since cultural sensitivity is not our strong suit -- were constantly fighting with one another. That seems like an odd bit of information to volunteer unprompted. Ah, well...probably not important.