CSI: Miami
Evidence Of Things Unseen

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Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
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Suffer Not The Strippers To Come Unto Me

We're back at the club, where the not-at-all-unattractive blonde dancer from the crime scene is just leaving her shift. Horatio is waiting for her. Since I'm new here, let me see if I'm following the timeline -- in the aftermath of the murder, Horatio's had time to arrive at the peepshow booth, go over the crime scene, observe the autopsy, narrow down the list of possible murder weapons to three knives, piece together how the murder took place, try out corny action-hero lines that Steven Seagal would be too embarrassed to utter, and still arrive back at the adult bookstore to pester the dancer. Is the adult bookstore just down the street from police headquarters? Does the dancer work sixteen-hour shifts? No wonder she looks so tired. We're about to know how she feels after this crackling exchange of dialogue:

Dancer: I'm not working.
Horatio: I am.
Dancer: One of the cops.
Horatio: CSI.
Dancer: Well, you came to the right place. My whole life's a crime scene. When are you going to arrest whoever's responsible for me having this crappy job in this crappy town?

My, this whole scene feels like something written by Chandler. Dorothy Chandler. Before a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters are able to pound out a teleplay approximating this noir-ish scene, we learn that the dancer works in the same booth for the same shift every night, and that she'd never seen the guy who got killed before. The red neon sign behind her isn't flashing "LIAR! LIAR!" so I'll do it instead. Liar! Liar! Horatio also learns that the dancer -- to whom we haven't been properly introduced, I'd like to note -- works off the clock for performances of a more private nature. "Where you from?" Horatio asks. "Lake Leelanau," the Blaze Starr for the new millennium replies. "Michigan," Horatio says, which surprises Gypsy Rose Lee, 2003 edition. "Only people from home know that, and I don't make you for a wolverine," she says, clearly not realizing that Horatio knows everything. "I spend a lot of time looking at maps," he fires back. "You're a lot more fun than you look, you know," she says, clearly not realizing that he isn't. "All right, CSI," Strippy Stripperson continues. "What do you want me to say?" "How about 'I won't go back'?" Horatio asks. To Lake Leelanau? But its forested coastlines, pristine scenery, and proximity to Lake Michigan and Grand Traverse Bay make it a must-see location for anyone with an interest in Michigan, no matter what season of the year. Oh -- he means the strip bar. "I won't go back," the dancer says, after a prolonged eye-roll. "Then again, you're paid to tell men what they want to hear, right?" Horatio retorts. I guess that's why she told you that you were more fun than you look.

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CSI: Miami

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