CSI: Miami
CSI: Miami

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C | 359 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Leaving from a jet plane

We then segue to Horatio holding a picture of a smiling Christina and assuring Mrs. Colucci, "She's a lovely girl." Well, she was, prior to falling four thousand feet and hitting the water face-first. Horatio puts down the picture and asks Mrs. Colucci about the briefcase he found at the crash site. Mrs. Colucci tells Horatio that the briefcase was a family gift to Christina following her promotion. Horatio goes on to ask if Christina "recently suffered any setbacks, personally or professionally." Mrs. Colucci replies, "My daughter battled depression when she was in high school. That was a very long time ago. She would never try to hurt herself...would she?" Horatio answers frankly, "I don't know." Mrs. Colucci continues, "Ever since she was a little girl, she was so good at keeping secrets." And you're telling us this because...because Christina has been blackmailing her siblings over who broke Mom's lamp since 1976? Because you suspect that she was keeping depression a secret? Because this seemingly innocuous comment will be the one that explains motivation and solves the case later? Mrs. Colucci then breaks down crying and asks Horatio, "Will you help me, please?" Horatio looks all empathetic as he assures her he will, then holds her hand as the "this is a touching moment, really!" music tinkles in the background.

Meanwhile, over at the plane's fuselage, Calleigh -- remember her? Blonde girl, formerly sporting Heidi braids, last seen God knows how many tiresome scenes ago? -- is inspecting the wreckage with a borescope. I pause the TiVo and ponder the many, many comments I can make about CSI: Miami being filmed in BoreScope before turning back to what is promising to be a leaden exchange between Calleigh and someone who is listed in the end credits as, I kid you not, "handsome tech." Anyway, Calleigh takes this guy to school: "The swamp boys use it for a sneak-and-peek. I think it's kind of cute." As Calleigh says this last part, she's waggling the long, narrow end suggestively in front of her face. Paging Dr. Freud...anyway, Handsome Tech asks if he can advance the explanatory portion of this evening's plotline, and Calleigh invites him to be her guest. He asks, "So, uh, what exactly are we looking for here?" "Ballistics evidence. We think there may have been a shooting on the plane, but so far, nada," Calleigh responds. Evidently the word "ballistics" rings a bell (or, um, dings it, if you want to belabor the bullet metaphor) and Handsome Tech says, "You know, I heard of you. You're the bullet girl, right?" No -- Bulletgirl's alter ego was Susan Kent, girlfriend of Jim Barr, a.k.a. Bulletman, and she's dead, freeing him up to zoom around the Power of Shazam. And there's no way you can confuse Calleigh for Bulletgirl II; that one's a "steel-coated human bullet." Take it up with Marvel if you don't believe me. Back on the screen, Calleigh asks if Handsome Tech is really Airplane Boy (no comics counterpart exists, to the best of my knowledge) and HT's all, "I guess you could say I know my way around an airframe." "Really?" Calleigh coos. "What are those?" We all get a close-up of what looks like an very unglamorous screw, and HT tells us that those are bayonet pins, which hold the door shut. Calleigh already knew that; what she wants to know about are the vertical scores on the pins. HT muses, "Could mean the door failed." Calleigh, who's following The Caine Contradictory Conversation Killer Method, points out, "Or someone wanted them to."

CSI: Miami

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