CSI: Miami
Golden Parachute

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C- | Grade It Now!
Leaving from a jet plane

Me: I win! I win! That means you lose! I win!
The husband: Damn straight I got fooled again.
Me: Not me. I win. Yes, that's right. I win.
The husband: Anthony Zuiker is now my blood enemy.
Me: Over this?
The husband: [screaming] BLOOD!
Me: I can't believe --
The husband: You tell Zuiker I'm coming, and Hell's coming with me.
Me: Try to get a little perspe--
The husband: You tell him I'm taking a dollar out of his ass.

Can you imagine if we had gone for the big stakes, like $5?

Anyway, credits. Who. Commercials. Then we're back at the scene and Caine's walking with Calleigh Duquesne, who's telling him that the jet was registered to a Scott Eric Sommer, who made the Fortune 500 via insurance scams. Caine couldn't care less: "Did you get a flight plan yet?" Calleigh replies that it went straight to NTSB. Unlike, say, an accident notification or subsequent report. Calleigh continues, "They've got a go team flying in. They'll be here within the hour." What? They have to fly in from the field office in Miami? Is the highway traffic that bad? Horatio asks where fire and rescue are. Calleigh replies, "They went out to look for survivors. Delko's with them." That last sentence is open to a wide variety of interpretations. Caine watches a bunch of firefighters run by as she tells him this. Calleigh watches too, then turns back to Caine to ask, "Is it as bad as it looks?" Judging by the first five minutes of this show, yes. Caine takes a look at Calleigh and says grimly, "It's actually worse than it looks."

Meanwhile, on Dagobah, Delko's crouching purposefully and peering through mist-shrouded swamp trees as an airboat slowly glides by. Use the Force, Delko. He does, gliding over to a severed human arm floating in a thicket of money-festooned lily pads. Delko picks up the arm, leaves the money. Perhaps it really does grow on trees in the swamp. (Sorry, I couldn't resist the low-hanging fruit.) Back at the main crime scene, more cars pull up, and Tim Speedle (scruffy, male) gets out of one while Megan Donner (not male) gets out of the other. She gasps, "NTSB is on the way and [beat] they're going to want updates. [beat] "Flight logistics, weather, eyewitness reports." Speedle responds by deadpanning, "Welcome back, Megan. I didn't know you were going to be in this week." Megan averts her eyes and asks if there were any survivors. Given that Speedle just showed up at the site, what makes her think he's going to know? Speedle more or less tells her this; Megan plows ahead, quavering, "They'll be found in the first few hours." [beat] "If we find them at all." Did someone force-feed that woman a bunch of Pixie Stix, then change her lines two minutes before pushing her in front of a camera? Speedle gives her an Are you for real? look before rubbing her arm reassuringly and saying, "We've got it covered?" Megan looks at Speedle's hand as though it had detached from his arm and crawled up her arm under its own power, then insists shakily, "This is a level two biohazard site." She begins walking into the danger. "We're taking precautions." In another part of the site, Horatio's walking along and telling Calleigh, "All search personnel should have Tyvexx overalls on, double gloves, masks, decontamination after every shift." Back to Megan: "Everyone doses up on antibiotics. Blood-borne pathogens and bacteria from body decomp, not to mention 6,000 pounds of Jet-A fuel." Meanwhile, Caine's telling Calleigh, "No shift should last more than twenty minutes. No food or water on site." To drive home the point that Horatio and Megan had or have the same job and are expecting to be the voice of authority on the scene, Megan echoes Caine's edict on comestibles. Caine then tells Calleigh, "We're treating this as a crime scene." On this show? What are the odds? Meanwhile, Megan asks Speedle to get her a copy of the flight plan, then heads off to go assert herself elsewhere near the scene. As she leaves, Speedle calls out, "Nice to see you too!"

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CSI: Miami




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