CSI: Miami
Simple Man

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lethal Politics

Speaking of someone who stands by her man, Calleigh runs down the hall to tell John Hagen that she's finally stopped working on Horatio's favors to finish his work; she finishes by saying, "This guy is going away." Hagen's all, "You got that right -- patrol picked him up already." Calleigh's confused: "I thought you needed ballistics to file on him?" Hagen clarifies, "We got ballistics -- he shot someone else after we cut him loose." There's a dramatic beat on the soundtrack -- O! Audio manipulation, how transparent thou art! -- and Calleigh's even more confused: "I thought you were going to watch him." Hagen points out that they did, but this guy was Quick Draw McGraw, and plugged a street-level drug dealer before the uniforms could hustle out of the car. Calleigh's overcome with remorse. Hagen's more pragmatic: "One lowlife pops another -- the streets are safer for it. Just be glad it wasn't a taxpayer -- for you and Horatio's sake." I like Hagen. Calleigh covers Horatio's ass by taking all responsibility for that call; it's a noble sentiment, but not entirely accurate, what with Horatio her boss ignoring her workload and putting her on the spot. She may feel morally responsible -- and good for her if she does -- but from a managerial perspective, Big Red's gotta shoulder some of the blame, I think. Anyway, Hagen passes along some career advice with, "I know you look up to the guy. I'm just saying, it's a hell of a lonely road he's walking." Calleigh replies, "Well, that's why I'm walking it with him." Then she breaks into a tremulous chorus of "You'll Never Walk Alone," instantly reducing Hagen to tears and finishing with a group of Chelsea football fans hoisting her on to their shoulders and carrying her off to the nearest pub while Hagen rocks back and forth, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Oh, come on. I just pretend these things happen because it would be more interesting if they did.

Meanwhile, Horatio's walking the lonely garden path over to the Escalantes', Sevilla yapping at his heels about how they've already been over the Escalante place and Horatio isn't going to find anything. Oh, Sevilla, ye of little faith. After Sevilla finishes claiming, "There's nothing buried in this yard," they stop in front of the massive brick barbecue station, and Horatio asks, "Did you check the barbecue? Seven across, three down." He pulls out a loose brick, and sure enough, there's a metal lockbox containing Golden Talon bullets like the ones they took out of Abby Sandoval and Benita Cruz.

Now it's time to re-arrest Lorenzo, which Horatio does right after critiquing his golf technique. He's going to do that one of these days and someone's going to beat him half to death with a five iron before anyone can be arsed to intervene. Lorenzo is not that bright; when he sees the detectives, his first response is to look around the country club and say, "We'll have to talk to the membership committee -- they're letting anyone in these days." Clearly, Mercedes is the brains in the couple. Horatio responds by saying smugly, "Tell him what he's won, Adele." Sevilla is very good at the game show announcer voice; she uses it to say, "It's a new kind of membership -- gated estate, private room, high security…" "And here's the best part -- it's for life," Horatio adds. Lorenzo's under the impression he's calling the shots here, and moments after he's ordered his wife to "call the lawyers; this is harassment," he's in cuffs, protesting, "You can't do this!" Oh, but they can. Mercedes keeps watching as her husband is carried off, and Horatio asks if she'd like to take a walk. Mercedes looks like she'd rather take a root canal sans anesthesia.

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CSI: Miami




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