CSI: Miami

Episode Report Card
Sobell: D+ | 4 USERS: A
Dead Kids Ahoy!

Calleigh calls Horatio outside, tells him that she couldn't get any usable prints off the shotgun, but she did get Timmy's prints off the baby bottle. Horatio says, "So the nine-year-old is parenting the baby while the mother is doing what?" Going to the bathroom? Trying to take a shower? Has anyone associated with this show ever been around very small children? Or is this comment supposed to drive home the point that only psychotically depressed mothers fail to assiduously tend to their every child's need? I swear to God, Horatio is one of the most insidiously chauvinistic characters to come along in a while; he doesn't get too het up about the poor burned woman until it turns out she's pregnant, he treats the women fumbling for sexual equity -- however moronic their efforts -- as morally bankrupt slatterns, and now he's convinced that Stephanie's somehow engendered a massacre by passing off feeding duties to someone else? When it comes to women, the guy's got more issues than the periodicals section of a library. Calleigh suggests that maybe Stephanie was opening the gun safe, as her prints were the only prints found. Horatio wonders why Stephanie didn't kill the toddler. Calleigh suggests, "Couldn't find her? I mean, she's a woman who can't function. If you can't function, you can't keep track of your children." Horatio thinks Calleigh's onto something. I just love how these seasoned investigators look at the house and decide that the woman's incapable of functioning, and that depression is a sign of character weakness as opposed to a biological condition like asthma, hypoglycemia, or dyslexia.

Cut to Speedle and Delko awkwardly bonding over family life as they prepare to head back in the house. To nobody's great surprise, Speedle was apparently something of a pain growing up. He then turns the conversation around, asking, "What does Delko stand for, anyway?" Deftly Engineered for Lite Komic Effect? Nope -- Delektorsky: "My mom's Cuban, my dad's Russian." For some reason, this delights Speedle. He continues the small talk, and we find out that Delko has three older sisters. So his family had to coordinate five separate escapes, three of which involved children (remember, Delko's parents came over from Cuba when Delko was but a fetus)? Delko says, "So you think the little girl was the favorite, and that's why she made it?" Speedle shrugs, "Who knows? That's what we're here to find out." Speedle inspects a hallway table covered with photos of the boys -- not doing a whole lot to support the Erin-as-favorite theory, if you ask me -- and then wanders around the house. Speedle goes outside, joined soon by Delko, and they head over to a doghouse. Delko says, "They don't have a dog." Speedle says, "If they did, it didn't last." They hunker down to look inside at a bloody blanket, and Delko says, "I guess we know how the toddler did."

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CSI: Miami




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