CSI: Miami
Spring Break

Episode Report Card
Sobell: F | Grade It Now!
These Brazen Women Get What They Deserve

Back on the patio, two girls -- I'm getting tired of typing bikini-clad, so let's just assume, for purposes of brevity, that unless stated otherwise, any of the spring-break crowd to whom the CSIs are speaking are wearing bathing suits -- hunker down and get Calleigh's attention, with, "Excuse me, ma'am? Can we talk to you?" "Only if you promise not to call me 'ma'am,'" Calleigh replies. One girl replies, "Your friend is so totally hot. Do you know if he has a girlfriend?" Calleigh replies, "Um. Not currently." I wonder what happened to the girl he was boffing when he got his testicles irradiated. Maybe she had a Silkwood-style meltdown. The girl asks, "Well, how old is he?" For some reason, that throws Calleigh.

You know, with two mentions of how hot the CSIs are in less than two minutes, I'm beginning to get the impression that we're supposed to think of this crew as the sexy CSI team, as opposed to those stodgy folks in Las Vegas. Anyway, once Delko's hauled the body on to the patio, he tells Calleigh, "Cute girls." She replies, "Yeah, they thought you were cute too." Delko replies, "You know I don't like girls that way -- I thought they'd be cute in my new neoprene line of eveningwear." Oh, he does not. Instead he pumps Calleigh for details on what they said, and she passes him the note they wrote: "Do you like me? Check this box: [] Yes. [] No." Oh, she does not. I'm sorry -- this whole scene is just so ludicrous, I can't recap it straight. Calleigh merely busts his chops by reminding him obliquely that they're a little on the young side.

Anyway, after the camera lingers on Pool Guy's scraped feet -- with the blood still present -- Delko compresses the guy's chest a few times and concludes, "I don't think he drowned. There's no foam around his nostrils or his mouth. Means there's no water in his lungs." Calleigh notes the foot scratches and bruises on the guy's arms, and concludes that he might have been beaten. Delko adds, "Wasted too. Check out the tag on his trunks. On backwards." Calleigh concludes, "Something's not right. We should get an autopsy." Oh, should they? And here I thought all unexplained deaths got autopsies anyway.

And now -- the VIP room. The girl's on the slab, Alexx is preparing to rinse her off, and Horatio's doing her hair. He finds a sparkly star barrette and asks, "Still a little girl, isn't she?" Or one of those annoying ravers with the kiddie culture couture. Alexx then summons Horatio to check out the tooth marks on the girl's body -- "At least six sets, avulsed. Most dramatic type. Bites like this don't just happen." By the way, an avulsed wound is one in which the tissue is forcibly separated or torn from the victim's body, so we're supposed to infer that the bite marks here are particularly deep and vicious. Horatio concludes that they've got a predator, and says, "Let's see if he had a history." Alexx will swab for saliva and semen to see if there's anything for CODIS. Horatio will call the forensic odontologist.

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CSI: Miami




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