CSI: Miami
CSI: Miami

Episode Report Card
Sobell: F | 650 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Come On, Baby. Light My Fire.

Horatio heads into the enormous, well-appointed bathroom, where Alexx is already checking Jill out. The two living people in the room commiserate briefly. Alexx gets down to business: "No semen, no defensive wounds. She does have what appears to be a fracture to the frontal skull." We then get an aerial shot of the scene, lest the artfully displayed naked dead girl go to waste -- and how convenient is it that she happened to collapse and die in such a graceful and network-friendly posture? Horatio notices the blood on the faucet, and bloody mucus by the tiles on the floor of the shower. We get a flashback to Jill's death: in her violent coughing fit, she rocked forward, smacked her head on the faucet with a loud and juicy crunch, then collapsed. Alexx swabs Jill's gums to show him the soot there, and points out, "You get this from smoke inhalation." Faster than you or I can say "Contrived coincidence" or "Bring back Ben (sigh) Browder," Alexx and Horatio have concluded that Jill was at the club prior to her work appointment. Alexx explains, "Smoke inhalation's like a time-release bomb. You walk away thinking you're okay. Soon, you're not walking at all." Just in case we missed the crunch of skull against faucet ninety seconds ago, we see it again. Just as Horatio adds 15+1 to get a new body count, we find out that Jill's BMW is, in fact, registered to Quentin Haid. Horatio replies, "Let's impound that. All roads lead back to the club owner, don't they?"

Daylight has fallen. Delko's gazing upon the dead visage of Connie "I can't feel anything" Contrivance and telling Alexx, "It's weird, Alexx. I barely even knew her, you know" -- aside from knowing what her tonsils felt like -- "and I felt like I had to pay my respects." Alexx tells him, "Don't apologize to anyone, honey, especially me." Whatever heart and soul this show has rests entirely with Alexx. Why the hell aren't the producers using her more? Did Khandi Alexander claim that she was allergic to crap, so she had to limit her exposure to this series? Anyway, Delko asks about cause of death, there's a moment when I'm mesmerized by the battle of the lips -- he's not exactly thin-lipped, but Alexx is sporting some impressively shiny vermilion smackers at the moment -- and then we learn from Alexx, "A combination of injuries led to her death. People don't realize there are so many ways you can die in a fire, and not always from flames." Delko asks if it was CO poisoning. Alexx tells him Connie breathed in super-heated air -- see? Air by the floor is cooler, that's another reason to crawl -- there was a spasm of the epiglottis, and her airways were scorched. We see all that hot, bubbling action in a TMICam shot that goes from Connie's mouth down to her crispy little alveoli. Alexx strokes Connie's hair as she says, "She was a strong girl, Eric. Made it to the front door. But human nature got the best of her. Fight or flight. These people did both at the same time. Trampled her. She's got three fractured ribs, ruptured spleen. You didn't even see it coming, did you, sugar?" The poor husband is sinking even further into the depths of the couch as I begin ranting yet again about how this could have all been prevented if everyone remembered their elementary school fire-safety training and dropped to their knees before leaving the building. Onscreen, Delko's all, "I never ever got her last name." Oh, now he feels remorse. Well, there's good news on that front; Connie was one of the few who won't have to be identified by her dental records, so she's been confirmed as Connie Wilkes. Delko thanks Alexx as the poignant grief music plays.

CSI: Miami

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