CSI: Miami
Tinder Box

Episode Report Card
Sobell: F | Grade It Now!
Come On, Baby. Light My Fire.

Just then, a CSI Humvee pulls up. So help me, if Horatio's inside...what am I saying? Of course he's inside. After he finished his sunset brood session, he probably went home, heated up a Lean Cuisine bistro meal, and ate it while talking to the propped-up 8x10 glossy of his sister-in-law. Then he did the dishes and sat down to wait for crime to strike. Cue Horatio popping out of the Humvee, screaming, "Are you okay? Eric, where's Speed?" I tend to avoid making direct comparisons to Gil over on CSI: Original Flava in every recap, but I'm cracking myself up imagining Gil's reaction to the same situation. Better, I'm imagining Gil strapped in the passenger seat of the Humvee, watching Horatio fly off and looking contemptuous. Horatio sprints toward the building, screaming, "Fire rescue's on the way." But in the meanwhile, he's got to go get Speedle, then carry him out while Whitney Houston vows that they'll always love one another.

We see that Ben (sigh) Browder is working in conjunction with Delko to pull people out of the club's exit. Connie finally makes her appearance. It's not looking good for Connie, and that's saying a lot given that she was about to go home with Delko. Just then, Horatio arrives to inflame the panic -- wouldn't your adrenaline go into overdrive if some lanky red-headed guy came tearing toward you, bellowing for you to get away from the building? He tells everyone the building is about to collapse. I don't even wonder how he knows everything anymore. Let's just assume that between bomb squad, narcotics, and science stints, he's also become an arson investigator.

Horatio heads into the club to find Speedle, determined to carry him out. He helps out other people, of course. We assume Speedle makes it out -- there's, like, three men in white shirts who come out at once, so perhaps Speedle had stunt doubles in the crowd or something. The building goes up. Next to Horatio, Speedle gasps, "It went down so fast, I didn't see a thing." Horatio replies, "We'll figure it out, Speed. We'll find out what happened, and this building will be our witness."

The Who agree, while I sit around and think about Jack Hawksmoor, the superhero who can talk to buildings and cities. I conclude that the building would probably tell Jack, "Get the red-headed jackass out of here! Haven't I suffered enough tonight?"

Once we return from commercials, Alexx is instructing someone to make sure any evidence tied to a particular body stays with that body. Then she heads out. Delko's walking with Connie as her stretcher gets rolled to the ambulance. She tells him, "Delko, I can't feel anything." He's confused, as he normally hears this line much later in the evening. Connie's all, "That's good, right?" Going by the look on Delko's face, it's not, but he lies to her. Ben (sigh) Browder asks how Connie is, and Delko says, "I don't think she's going to make it."

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CSI: Miami




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