CSI: Miami
Wet Foot/Dry Foot

Episode Report Card
Sobell: D+ | Grade It Now!
Take A Bite Out Of Crime

After the brood that refreshes, Horatio heads out to the hangar where they're storing the boat and, if Megan's pants are to be believed, costumes for the chorus in the HMS Pinafore. Poor little buttercup. The two of them wander around -- the better to give us views of the buckles on both sides of Megan's hips -- and Megan gives us an inventory of all the personal property on the boat, which apparently leads us to deduce that at least twelve people were on the boat. Horatio adds, "What we do know is about is Captain Bob, Pedro, Elena [Juan] Doe, and an unidentified female gunshot victim. Anybody else would have drowned in the Gulf Stream, never to be seen again, right?" Boy, how nice of them to remember the XX blood, given that we're never going to go anywhere with this. Anyway, Megan does some math -- "Average 150 pounds per person, that's 1800 pounds all near the stern." Horatio adds, "A thousand pounds of coke in the right hull ..." Megan comes in with, "This boat's center of gravity would have been way off." Horatio figures that huge swells and water in the fish hold would have panicked the captain. We see the captain mid-freak-out. Horatio and Megan conclude that Captain Freak-out would have had a decision to make: the passengers or the drugs? Since a school of tiger sharks in the throes of a cocaine overdose would likely attract attention -- and not the good kind -- Captain Freak-out opted to evict the passengers. The two of them muse on whether the passengers really would jump out of a boat during a storm, and Megan replies that with a gun to your head, anything's possible. "Let's go put a gun to [Captain Freak-out's head]," Horatio suggests.

Cut to the two of them talking to the captain, who's trying to split hairs by pointing out that his boat isn't missing if he knows where it is. According to Captain Freak-out, he got blindsided by a storm and had to ditch the boat south of Matheson Hammock. Megan gets a big grin and says, "We towed it for you. It's out back. Evidence in a criminal investigation." The captain recovers with, "Somebody stole it?" Nice try. Horatio steps in and tells everyone that it's a crime in Florida to build a secret compartment in a boat or a car. Captain Freak-out asks what the fine is, to which Megan replies, "For trafficking?" He laughs and says, "I don't know the song that you want me to sing." Horatio requests a new song, then, one called, "Here is my gun!" Unfortunately, Captain Freak-out doesn't know the words to that either. Horatio and Megan proceed to recap the last fifty-two minutes for Captain Freak-out -- he's been trafficking cocaine, he picked up the immigrants for cash, then when the storm hit, he chased them off the boat with a gun. Cut to Captain Freak-out singing his follow-up, destined to become a hit in the D.A.'s office: "Don't I have the right to a lawyer?"

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CSI: Miami




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